Oh yes, it's the most wonderful time of the year. The time where we all come together to wish each other well and good cheer. A time to spend with family and friends, and to count our blessings. A time to share good food and good times with all. So why all the stress? Why all the arguing and bickering over who's holiday trumps who's? Why all the animosity? Where is it all coming from?
This is the time of year where I see so many posts online, and hear so many people talking about how everyone is taking the "Christ" out of Christmas. And how everyone is getting too sensitive and they are going to say "Merry Christmas" to everyone whether they like it or not and they will be really offended if the person doesn't say "Merry Christmas" right back. I see and hear all of "Jesus is the reason for the season" plastered everywhere. And it seems to me like the majority of the strife is coming from some, not all, Christians who feel "their" holiday is being taken over. So let's take a closer look at this, shall we?
What is Christmas all about anyway? Well, the Christian celebration is the birth of Jesus in a manger, with three wise men, and some animals. So basically the birth of Jesus. This is celebrated on the 25th of December. So this man, called Jesus, was presumably born on the 25th of December, right? Actually, no. Scholars and historians have calculated Jesus's birthdate to be some time in June. Feel free to search for yourself or check out this link here for more information. So why would the Christians start a false holiday?
Well, you see there were these pesky heathens running around worshipping all these other gods and goddesses, and the Christians very much wanted to convert them to Christianity. In order to make the transition smoother the church created Christian celebrations that mirrored the Pagan ones. One of them being Christmas. Christmas was used to replace Yule also known as the Winter Solstice. This is a time of year when the night is the longest and the Pagans are celebrating the birth of the Sun God who will return to the earth and brighten the days. Hmmm, birth of the Sun God, birth of Jesus. Trees, being male phallic symbols were decorated with edible treats for the birds and wildlife to help them through the last of Winter until the Sun God was strong enough to help the earth grow again.
And to this day there are still people who celebrate the Winter Solstice and the birth of the Sun God. Now, that doesn't make Christmas any less of a holiday. After all it's been around long enough now to earn itself a place at the December holiday table right up there with Hanukkah and Kawanzaa.
There is another pesky little thing I would like to address, the dreaded "X". SO , so often through the holidays I get lectured on how I shouldn't use Xmas as an abbreviation for Christmas as it is disrespectful to Christ. Guess what, it's not. Please read up here for the full explanation. For the short version, "X" has replaced Christ's name in Christianity for centuries because it is from the Greek alphabet. It has nothing to do with disrespect.
One last thing, if someone wishes you a "Merry Christmas", "Happy Holidays", "Seasons Greetings", "Happy Hanukkah", "Happy Kawanzaa", "Merry Yule", or a "Merry Happy ChristmaKawanzHanuYule!", just remember they are all doing it with the same intention, to wish you and yours a well and a Happy New Year!
Next lesson, how to stop commercializing whatever you celebrate!
Showing posts with label soapbox. Show all posts
Showing posts with label soapbox. Show all posts
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Matter of Perspective
Now that marijuana has been legalized in Oregon, and even more recently can be sold in a retail setting, it has become a hot topic of conversation everywhere. On one hand I think that's great. We should be talking about it. We should talk about its risks, its benefits, appropriate times to use it, legal age, and all the other important boundaries we would talk about with any other controlled substance like tobacco or alcohol.
The problem I am having is the media sensationalizing any and every negative experience that has happened here that may or may not involve marijuana. For one thing, it gives the impression hat it only happened because marijuana was legalized, and for another it gives the impression that whatever the outcome was marijuana was the one and only cause. Neither of these is always true.
For example there is this recent tragic event. Notice how the headline boldly claims the driver allegedly was smoking pot. Notice how they slipped in there that the accident comes just 5 days after retail sales of recreational marijuana is legal. And also notice that all the way at the bottom they finally say that the driver was smoking "seconds" before the crash.
Don't get me wrong, I do not in any way shape or form condone any type of driving while under the influence. However, for the sake of playing devil's advocate, let's say that this moron took his very first hit just seconds before the crash. He would not have been high at that point, it takes a little time to get to that point. Could he have been distracted? Probably, but high? Most likely not.
Also, the fact that retail sales just started has absolutely nothing to do with this story. If the media and authorities think that just because it is legal it is all of a sudden easier to get your hands on marijuana then they are really delusional. This area has to be one of the easiest to buy marijuana, even before it was legal. I can think of about 5 people off of the top of my head I could go to and say hey, I want to get high, and they would gladly oblige. This same tragic accident could have easily taken place last year, the year before, or even 4 years ago for that matter. Making it legal doesn't make people smarter. It just makes it so those who choose not to break the law can enjoy what is known to be a relatively safe drug when used in moderation like everything else.
So the next time you see a news article that makes you angry about a hot topic issue stop and ask yourself, is this just a matter of perspective?
The problem I am having is the media sensationalizing any and every negative experience that has happened here that may or may not involve marijuana. For one thing, it gives the impression hat it only happened because marijuana was legalized, and for another it gives the impression that whatever the outcome was marijuana was the one and only cause. Neither of these is always true.
For example there is this recent tragic event. Notice how the headline boldly claims the driver allegedly was smoking pot. Notice how they slipped in there that the accident comes just 5 days after retail sales of recreational marijuana is legal. And also notice that all the way at the bottom they finally say that the driver was smoking "seconds" before the crash.
Don't get me wrong, I do not in any way shape or form condone any type of driving while under the influence. However, for the sake of playing devil's advocate, let's say that this moron took his very first hit just seconds before the crash. He would not have been high at that point, it takes a little time to get to that point. Could he have been distracted? Probably, but high? Most likely not.
Also, the fact that retail sales just started has absolutely nothing to do with this story. If the media and authorities think that just because it is legal it is all of a sudden easier to get your hands on marijuana then they are really delusional. This area has to be one of the easiest to buy marijuana, even before it was legal. I can think of about 5 people off of the top of my head I could go to and say hey, I want to get high, and they would gladly oblige. This same tragic accident could have easily taken place last year, the year before, or even 4 years ago for that matter. Making it legal doesn't make people smarter. It just makes it so those who choose not to break the law can enjoy what is known to be a relatively safe drug when used in moderation like everything else.
So the next time you see a news article that makes you angry about a hot topic issue stop and ask yourself, is this just a matter of perspective?
Monday, August 31, 2015
A Little Compassion
It's all well and good that organizations provide their employees with bereavement leave, and I understand not all do so this is a luxury and not necessarily a right. But when they do provide it there are so many policies surrounding it that it is almost a hassle to use it, not what you need in a time of loss. Those who don't have it, should, it provides piece of mind to their employees...as long as you pay attention to what I have to say here.
Most places only cover what they call "immediate family", but everyone has a different definition of "immediate family". For some it is just spouse, parents, and children. For others they extend it out to brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, even cousins. For some it only covers your family, for others it covers your spouse's family as well. Some cover step, some don't.
But here is what none of them take into account...Your relationship with the deceased. Nobody cares that the person who died had a huge impact on you growing up, or that was the one person who inspired and helped you go to college, or that was the one person in your family you truly connected to. Who cares if that one person was a second cousin, a great great aunt, a great grandmother, or some other "distant" relative.
It is assumed that people live in the 1950's nuclear family environment still. Mom, dad, and kids live together in their little pod, and the rest of the families all live in their little pods and everyone gets together for Christmas, Easter, and maybe a Summer Reunion. Guess what? That's not the reality anymore, and hasn't been for a while. Reality is more and more families are living together in multi-generational homes. More and more people are seeing the benefits of spending time with their elders and gaining the knowledge of the past from them.
And then you also have the other aspect, not every family has a nice, pretty, perfect family tree. My family tree would look like a gnarly old oak tree if you were to map it out with two of my great aunts being born just before my mom and being closer in age to her than her own younger sisters, so naturally she was closer to them and so was I. My family tree also comes with trap doors, tree houses and zip lines, because you just never know what nut is going to shake loose whenever you start asking questions about family history. The point is though there are some whose leaves are within poking distance that I have probably only spent hours with in my entire life, whereas there are others that I would have to scamper across the entire tree to get to that I spent so much time learning from and loving their company yet when the one I barely know passes I can get bereavement leave without a second glance, and the one who was the bigger influence on my life I have to find a way to get time off some other way.
Yes, I know there would probably be a couple who would abuse the system if it was opened up wider. And honestly for those who family means so much, like me, it would make times of loss less stressful and more productive at work. Instead of offering the 24 hours of leave being offered for "Immediate Family" perhaps they could offer just 8 hours for Extended Family, just so someone can attend the services. It just seems so cold for this giant organism to decide who is most important to me based on dilution of blood. If you are going to go by that then they are equally as unimportant because nobody has the same bloody parents!
Most places only cover what they call "immediate family", but everyone has a different definition of "immediate family". For some it is just spouse, parents, and children. For others they extend it out to brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, even cousins. For some it only covers your family, for others it covers your spouse's family as well. Some cover step, some don't.
But here is what none of them take into account...Your relationship with the deceased. Nobody cares that the person who died had a huge impact on you growing up, or that was the one person who inspired and helped you go to college, or that was the one person in your family you truly connected to. Who cares if that one person was a second cousin, a great great aunt, a great grandmother, or some other "distant" relative.
It is assumed that people live in the 1950's nuclear family environment still. Mom, dad, and kids live together in their little pod, and the rest of the families all live in their little pods and everyone gets together for Christmas, Easter, and maybe a Summer Reunion. Guess what? That's not the reality anymore, and hasn't been for a while. Reality is more and more families are living together in multi-generational homes. More and more people are seeing the benefits of spending time with their elders and gaining the knowledge of the past from them.
And then you also have the other aspect, not every family has a nice, pretty, perfect family tree. My family tree would look like a gnarly old oak tree if you were to map it out with two of my great aunts being born just before my mom and being closer in age to her than her own younger sisters, so naturally she was closer to them and so was I. My family tree also comes with trap doors, tree houses and zip lines, because you just never know what nut is going to shake loose whenever you start asking questions about family history. The point is though there are some whose leaves are within poking distance that I have probably only spent hours with in my entire life, whereas there are others that I would have to scamper across the entire tree to get to that I spent so much time learning from and loving their company yet when the one I barely know passes I can get bereavement leave without a second glance, and the one who was the bigger influence on my life I have to find a way to get time off some other way.
Yes, I know there would probably be a couple who would abuse the system if it was opened up wider. And honestly for those who family means so much, like me, it would make times of loss less stressful and more productive at work. Instead of offering the 24 hours of leave being offered for "Immediate Family" perhaps they could offer just 8 hours for Extended Family, just so someone can attend the services. It just seems so cold for this giant organism to decide who is most important to me based on dilution of blood. If you are going to go by that then they are equally as unimportant because nobody has the same bloody parents!
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Some things really do never change...
I took a big leap out of the broom closet at work. We have this newsletter that comes out once a month, and the editor asked everyone in the agency to submit a statement about what diversity means to them or why diversity is important to them. Since we are a government agency they are always touting how important diversity is to them and how proud they are of their sensitivity to diversity and their diverse culture...so being my ever ornery self I had to push the button.
I submitted my statement as "Diversity is important to me because I am Wiccan, which is still not always widely accepted. I feel by being more open about my spiritual beliefs, and allowing others to ask respectful questions, I am opening a door to allow them the opportunity to see Wicca as another thread in society’s web of diversity". I thought it was good, the editor really liked it, and it got printed in the latest newsletter. I wasn't really sure what kind of responses I would get. I figured on a bit of stupidity, but I mean come on we are all adults here, right?
Oh dear gods it's like junior high all over again! Between the ones who are whispering behind my back, to the ones who are now flat out scared of me it is freaking ridiculous. Grow up people, I didn't just announce I sacrifice babies or something! The worst though are the ones who claimed to have known it because they "sensed" it...but they aren't Pagan or Wiccan...Or the ones who have a friend who is Wiccan, and do I know them? You know because we all must know each other...because there aren't like hundreds of thousands of us out there or anything /sarcasm. Or even better..."I know this girl and she wears lots of flowery jewelry and stuff, do you think she's Wiccan? I asked her and she said no, but I don't believe her." Really? How dense can you people really be?
The difference between junior high and now is I can totally laugh at the ignorance of people. I think what makes it even more humorous though is with as much information is available at our fingertips it would take almost no effort for these individuals to become just a tiny bit informed before opening their mouths and sounding like complete dumb asses. At least when a topic comes up that I am not informed enough to discuss I either research first or politely decline to comment. Especially when it concerns something as important as someone's religion.
The thing is not one person has asked me an intelligent question about my beliefs, and I would be more than happy to answer those. So much for promoting a culture of diversity. I think somebody has blinders on to what's really going on around here.
I submitted my statement as "Diversity is important to me because I am Wiccan, which is still not always widely accepted. I feel by being more open about my spiritual beliefs, and allowing others to ask respectful questions, I am opening a door to allow them the opportunity to see Wicca as another thread in society’s web of diversity". I thought it was good, the editor really liked it, and it got printed in the latest newsletter. I wasn't really sure what kind of responses I would get. I figured on a bit of stupidity, but I mean come on we are all adults here, right?
Oh dear gods it's like junior high all over again! Between the ones who are whispering behind my back, to the ones who are now flat out scared of me it is freaking ridiculous. Grow up people, I didn't just announce I sacrifice babies or something! The worst though are the ones who claimed to have known it because they "sensed" it...but they aren't Pagan or Wiccan...Or the ones who have a friend who is Wiccan, and do I know them? You know because we all must know each other...because there aren't like hundreds of thousands of us out there or anything /sarcasm. Or even better..."I know this girl and she wears lots of flowery jewelry and stuff, do you think she's Wiccan? I asked her and she said no, but I don't believe her." Really? How dense can you people really be?
The difference between junior high and now is I can totally laugh at the ignorance of people. I think what makes it even more humorous though is with as much information is available at our fingertips it would take almost no effort for these individuals to become just a tiny bit informed before opening their mouths and sounding like complete dumb asses. At least when a topic comes up that I am not informed enough to discuss I either research first or politely decline to comment. Especially when it concerns something as important as someone's religion.
The thing is not one person has asked me an intelligent question about my beliefs, and I would be more than happy to answer those. So much for promoting a culture of diversity. I think somebody has blinders on to what's really going on around here.
Friday, February 13, 2015
Stop Blaming the Innocent
As many of my friends and family know I was bullied relentlessly in school. For those who are new to me and this blog I won't go into the gory details, but let's just say it was brutal and daily. To the point where suicide was a very real option for me, one I tried and luckily didn't succeed. But because of my experience I have become very loud about anti-bullying, especially in our schools. I never want another child to go through the hell that I experienced day after day and year after year.
To be treated as less than human and then be told by teachers and administrators to grow a thicker skin or ignore them was never acceptable, and it still isn't. That puts the work on the victim to make their situation better when in reality they never did anything to make it bad to begin with. My favorite was always "You must have done something to make them dislike you", oh yeah that was a good one. Because no, I didn't. I was the new kid all the time, and we didn't have a lot of money for new clothes so I wore a lot of thrift store finds. Guess what? Instant target. The other good one was "If you don't react they will stop." Oh yeah, like you can just ignore having glue put in your hair or ignore being shoved to the ground every day, or ignore having rubber bands flung at you, or even better ignore a group of older kids beating you black and blue with their books...Yep I will just walk away and pretend that never happened.
See all of this is blaming the victim, and that has got to stop. Our society loves to do this, and not just with bullies. Rape victims get blamed all the time. If she hadn't of dressed so provocatively, if she hadn't have drank so much or taken that drug. If she hadn't have gone with that guy. What the hell does that have to do with anything? If there is no consent, or if there is no mental capacity to give consent then it is rape and the perpetrator is the one at fault.
Even certain murders society will look at and blame the victim based on that person's past. Were they a sex worker, oh well then they led a risky lifestyle so it was bound to happen. NO! That does no excuse on person taking another person's life. A person's life is not more valuable based on what choices they make in life. Just because they are a gang member doesn't mean they aren't somebody's son, or brother, or even father. We may not agree with their choices, but it doesn't mean a life wasn't lost.
Stop blaming the victims people. Start placing the blame where it belongs, on the people committing the acts that make these people victims. Nobody deserves to be bullied, nobody deserves to be raped, and nobody deserves to be murdered. Let's get our priorities right here and stop blaming the innocent.
To be treated as less than human and then be told by teachers and administrators to grow a thicker skin or ignore them was never acceptable, and it still isn't. That puts the work on the victim to make their situation better when in reality they never did anything to make it bad to begin with. My favorite was always "You must have done something to make them dislike you", oh yeah that was a good one. Because no, I didn't. I was the new kid all the time, and we didn't have a lot of money for new clothes so I wore a lot of thrift store finds. Guess what? Instant target. The other good one was "If you don't react they will stop." Oh yeah, like you can just ignore having glue put in your hair or ignore being shoved to the ground every day, or ignore having rubber bands flung at you, or even better ignore a group of older kids beating you black and blue with their books...Yep I will just walk away and pretend that never happened.
See all of this is blaming the victim, and that has got to stop. Our society loves to do this, and not just with bullies. Rape victims get blamed all the time. If she hadn't of dressed so provocatively, if she hadn't have drank so much or taken that drug. If she hadn't have gone with that guy. What the hell does that have to do with anything? If there is no consent, or if there is no mental capacity to give consent then it is rape and the perpetrator is the one at fault.
Even certain murders society will look at and blame the victim based on that person's past. Were they a sex worker, oh well then they led a risky lifestyle so it was bound to happen. NO! That does no excuse on person taking another person's life. A person's life is not more valuable based on what choices they make in life. Just because they are a gang member doesn't mean they aren't somebody's son, or brother, or even father. We may not agree with their choices, but it doesn't mean a life wasn't lost.
Stop blaming the victims people. Start placing the blame where it belongs, on the people committing the acts that make these people victims. Nobody deserves to be bullied, nobody deserves to be raped, and nobody deserves to be murdered. Let's get our priorities right here and stop blaming the innocent.
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Mind Your Beeswax
Yeah, I get it, I call in sick a lot and I leave work early
unexpectedly a lot. But you know
what? That’s between me, my manager, and
my doctors. That’s right I said doctors
with an “s” on the end. You see that
happy face I put on all the time is a carefully crafted mask. It’s a mask designed to hide the physical and
mental pain I endure every day. Every
once in a while it slips because I just can’t hold it anymore. Those are the days you label me a bitch.
You think you know my struggle through observation and then
you deign to tell me what I should do based on your keen powers of
observation. The reality is you only
know the little bit I let the outside world see. You don't see my pain, you don't see my anguish, and you don't see my tears because I don't let you. I don't let you because it really is none of your business, and honestly I have too much pride to let you know that I am that far beaten. Not beaten by you, but beaten by my own body and mind. Beaten by the pain that rips through my joints and muscles and beaten by the angry and horrible thoughts that race through my mind day after day, hour after hour, minute by minute. Thoughts that have been with me for years and now feel like an old companion that I will never be free of. But that's none of your business either.
Yet you have decided it is your business. You think it's okay to speak up and tell me what I can and can't do. How I should live my life, when I should give up and roll over and play dead. You think you know me better than I know myself. You think you can tell me when I have had enough. Well guess what, you don't know shit. Yeah, you see the mask slipping so you think you are seeing me at my worst. You think that's my breaking point. The point where I am going to call it quits and go home. You ain't seen nothin' yet toots. For all I have been through and all I carry every day I am a hell of a lot stronger than you will ever know. You would be amazed what I can push through.
Those times when I do go home, or even call in sick, those are the times when I just can't lift that mask up anymore. Where the weight of it has gotten so heavy and the pain of carrying it around so great that I just can't muster up a smile to face the day. Maybe the physical pain is so great that I can barely crawl to the bathroom and back, or maybe the mental anguish has gotten so bad that I am at the point of hysterical anxiety. Either way, that's none of your business either.
So the next time you think you know what's best for me. Or you think you have my life figured out based on your observations. Just don't. The best thing you can do for yourself and me is to close your mouth before you open it and mind your own beeswax.
Monday, February 9, 2015
Can't we all just get along?
I believe that when you have a specific issue you should seek the support of others going through a similar experience. The camaraderie and feeling of not being alone can really help when you feel isolated and helpless. Since I have what I consider to be more than my fair share of issues, or what my fiancé and I fondly refer to as subscriptions, I have reached out to various online support groups for, well, support.
Some of these groups are quite large, tens of thousands of peoples, and when you get that many people together from various backgrounds you are bound to have differing opinions from time to time. Now one would like to think that since we are all together for a common cause that we could set these differences aside and support one another regardless of race, gender, sexual preference, religion, etc. And one would be oh so wrong.
The biggest hot button? Religion. In fact in some groups the discussion of religion is banned all together and anytime it is brought up the posts get deleted immediately. In other groups they ask you to be respectful, and unfortunately that doesn't always work out so well. Such was the case last night.
In one of the groups I belong to a person posted offering to pray for anyone who needed it. A very sweet and generous offer. It was quite simple, if you wanted prayers you posted and if you didn't you just moved along. Then, someone else decided that this post offended them and replied with a message saying they were offended because it was a decidedly Christian post and they were not Christian. The original poster then was upset because they didn't intend to offend anyone and so as not to upset anyone else deleted their own post.
And oh dear gods did this cause a tizzy. Now half the group is jumping all over the admins because they assumed the admins removed the post because the one person was offended. Then it turned to an us against them discussion about Christian vs. Non-Christian. Everyone was weighing in, including me.
I tried to remain neutral by saying that I am Wiccan, and that if someone offers to pray for me I simply say thank you. Because to me a prayer is simply another way to send good energy and karma into the universe for someone. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because then this Southern Baptist from Georgia started ranting and raving about how we were all going to hell in a hand basket and they couldn't be around us godless creatures so they were leaving the group. Aye aye aye!
Then the group's owner, who lives in the UK, was asking me what a Southern Baptist was and what the South and Georgia had to do with anything. I was trying to explain it and I got screamed at for bashing all Southerners, which I was not doing if they had read all my words and not skipped over the important ones like the qualifiers of "some" and "most" and "many" and "a few". But you know hey they look exactly like "all" and "every" so I can see the confusion.
The point was though, and I think more Non-Christians were trying to get this across than anything, it shouldn't matter. We are all there to support each other, and we should just respect each other's beliefs or non-beliefs. If you don't like a post because of its religious undertones then just move on to the next one. There are always plenty more to read. I think it is so sad that our society is still so stuck on who has to be right about which religion is the correct one. What if we are all right?
My mom has this really amazing way of explaining religion, and I would like to leave you all with this. Religion is like a giant wheel, and each type is just a spoke on the wheel. They are all a different path, but they all lead to the same place in the universe. The center. It doesn't matter how you worship, or what you call your divine. We are all heading to the same destination in the end. So really, what is there to fight over?
Some of these groups are quite large, tens of thousands of peoples, and when you get that many people together from various backgrounds you are bound to have differing opinions from time to time. Now one would like to think that since we are all together for a common cause that we could set these differences aside and support one another regardless of race, gender, sexual preference, religion, etc. And one would be oh so wrong.
The biggest hot button? Religion. In fact in some groups the discussion of religion is banned all together and anytime it is brought up the posts get deleted immediately. In other groups they ask you to be respectful, and unfortunately that doesn't always work out so well. Such was the case last night.
In one of the groups I belong to a person posted offering to pray for anyone who needed it. A very sweet and generous offer. It was quite simple, if you wanted prayers you posted and if you didn't you just moved along. Then, someone else decided that this post offended them and replied with a message saying they were offended because it was a decidedly Christian post and they were not Christian. The original poster then was upset because they didn't intend to offend anyone and so as not to upset anyone else deleted their own post.
And oh dear gods did this cause a tizzy. Now half the group is jumping all over the admins because they assumed the admins removed the post because the one person was offended. Then it turned to an us against them discussion about Christian vs. Non-Christian. Everyone was weighing in, including me.
I tried to remain neutral by saying that I am Wiccan, and that if someone offers to pray for me I simply say thank you. Because to me a prayer is simply another way to send good energy and karma into the universe for someone. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because then this Southern Baptist from Georgia started ranting and raving about how we were all going to hell in a hand basket and they couldn't be around us godless creatures so they were leaving the group. Aye aye aye!
Then the group's owner, who lives in the UK, was asking me what a Southern Baptist was and what the South and Georgia had to do with anything. I was trying to explain it and I got screamed at for bashing all Southerners, which I was not doing if they had read all my words and not skipped over the important ones like the qualifiers of "some" and "most" and "many" and "a few". But you know hey they look exactly like "all" and "every" so I can see the confusion.
The point was though, and I think more Non-Christians were trying to get this across than anything, it shouldn't matter. We are all there to support each other, and we should just respect each other's beliefs or non-beliefs. If you don't like a post because of its religious undertones then just move on to the next one. There are always plenty more to read. I think it is so sad that our society is still so stuck on who has to be right about which religion is the correct one. What if we are all right?
My mom has this really amazing way of explaining religion, and I would like to leave you all with this. Religion is like a giant wheel, and each type is just a spoke on the wheel. They are all a different path, but they all lead to the same place in the universe. The center. It doesn't matter how you worship, or what you call your divine. We are all heading to the same destination in the end. So really, what is there to fight over?
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Oh No You Didn't!
So this morning my wonderful and loving fiancé posted the image below to me on Facebook and invited me to get out my soapbox. After reading the article on the image the challenge was accepted.
The picture is an advice column from a Christian website where a father is asking for advice about his son who came to him saying he was transgendered and felt that he was born in the wrong body and was actually gendered as female. The father states that his child says they still believe in God in keeping with the family's obvious faith. The father is asking for guidance in how to talk with his child.
The advice given by the columnist is not only ludicrous, it is downright dangerous. She says the father should tell his child that the child is flat out wrong for feeling this way therefore totally invalidating the child's feelings. She says that the father should tell the child that the child's thoughts and feelings are even "disgusting". This is bad enough, but then she makes the leap from transgendered to homosexual. I am not sure how that leap was made since not all transgendered people are actually homosexual.
She blames the kid's desires one homosexuality in the media and exposure to it at school, which I would have thought was pretty funny if she weren't serious. I really think the icing on the cake though was when she compared being transgendered to doing drugs. Again, not sure on how that logical leap happens, but in her warped head it did.
So other than being sickly amusing to those of us who know better; this is also highly dangerous. This right her has the potential of being the beginning of another transgendered teens suicide. Here you have a vulnerable teenager, we all remember our teen years they suck to begin with, struggling to come to terms with feelings that are obviously conflicting with how they was raised. This teen then goes to their father looking for help and instead of support they are about to get, if the father follows this advice, invalidated at best and humiliated at worst.
This is the type of action from parents and the religious communities that leads to depression and suicide in our LGBTQ teens. It needs to stop. We need to find a way to reach out to these young people and offer them the support they need when their parents and religious communities fail them. In some communities, like here in Portland Oregon, where there are stronger LGBTQ communities there are some resources available. But usually you have to seek them out. In smaller communities, and especially in the Bible Belt, resources can be scarce.
We have been making some powerful strides in equality for the members of our community. Marriage equality has had great gains in the last few years. The transgendered community is seeing equality in the ability to use their preferred gender facilities in public places as well as reassignment medical expenses now being covered by Medicare. These are all great advances, and I know there have been more I have missed.
We still have a ways to go, and we need to start focusing on our youth. That's a hard one too. You have legal issues there because you don't want to get in the way of the legal parents or guardians, but on the other hand we want what's best for these kids who are struggling to find their place in this crazy and ever changing world. I don't have the answer, but I'm putting it out in the universe that we need one and maybe somebody somewhere reading this will be more brilliant than me and come up with it. I just know that the answer given by Amber on ChristWire.org is definitely not it.
Friday, November 7, 2014
It's Your Right and Responsibility
I know election day has come and gone, so this post is a bit too late for this go around, but I prefer to look at it as getting a head start for the next election. I am very discouraged by my friends and even some family as of late. I am finding fewer and fewer of them are interested in politics at all, and nobody seems to know anything about the issues at hand let alone want to vote on them. I just don't understand how so many people can have such a blasé attitude towards what is going on in their city, state, country, heck even the world. This is important people, the decisions made now are going to affect not only you, but also your children, and their children, and so on.
I guess I don't understand it because when I was growing up it was instilled in me that this was important. During the election season we watched the debates. Discussions were had at the dinner table about what the issues were and what the candidate's platforms were based on. And even though my parents are divorced this was one thing they could both agree on, politics were important, knowing what was going on in the world was important, and above all else exercising your right to vote was important. I can remember being a kid and going with my parents to vote. I can remember both of my parents taking the time to explain the process and how it works and why it is so important that every person who can vote does so that they speak up and their voice is heard.
It makes me sad that so many of my peers aren't having their voices heard. I know you have them, and I know you have great opinions. I see you voicing them on Facebook. I hear you talking about them in Starbucks. But when the vote tallies come in they just don't support the number of people in our age range that can vote. We aren't showing up at the polls, we aren't mailing back in our ballots, heck in most cases we aren't even bothering to register. It's easy to register; in most states you can do it at your DMV, post office, county election office, or even online. It's free too.
Some people say they don't want to register because it means they will get pulled into the jury duty pool. Well I got news for you, at least in Oregon, the rules have changed and now the pool is anyone that has a diver's license or state ID. They aren't even using the voter registration pool anymore so chances are you are already in the pool. And even if does put you in the jury duty pool in your state, so what. Jury duty is one of those necessary evils in life much like taxes. Most of the time when you get summoned for duty you get released anyway. It's not that great of an excuse.
I've also heard the excuse of, "I don't know who anybody is or who to vote for so I don't want to vote for anyone." That's just sheer laziness. In this age of instant information at our fingertips there is no reason why you can't do the research. You need to make it your responsibility and your business to know who the candidates are, what they stand for, and what kind of history they have. And it's not just about the people here either.
During elections we are also voting on new laws, laws that for better or worse will impact your life. These could be laws that increase or decrease taxes. Laws that protect a certain class of citizen, or laws that take away certain rights if we aren't careful. Don't think for a moment that the people who want these laws to pass aren't campaigning hard to have people vote the way they want them to. But what if you don't agree with the law, what if you don't like it? Well did you vote? Did you stand up and say I don't think this is right? If not then you are part of the problem and not the solution.
Now, I'm not telling anyone that they have to vote a certain way, and I never will. I may give you the pros and cons I see if you ask, and sometimes even if you don't just because I feel passionate about the topic. But I am begging, pleading, strongly suggesting, and ok downright harassing you to please, please, please vote. It's one of the simplest yet most powerful things you can do. It's your right, and it's your responsibility.
I guess I don't understand it because when I was growing up it was instilled in me that this was important. During the election season we watched the debates. Discussions were had at the dinner table about what the issues were and what the candidate's platforms were based on. And even though my parents are divorced this was one thing they could both agree on, politics were important, knowing what was going on in the world was important, and above all else exercising your right to vote was important. I can remember being a kid and going with my parents to vote. I can remember both of my parents taking the time to explain the process and how it works and why it is so important that every person who can vote does so that they speak up and their voice is heard.
It makes me sad that so many of my peers aren't having their voices heard. I know you have them, and I know you have great opinions. I see you voicing them on Facebook. I hear you talking about them in Starbucks. But when the vote tallies come in they just don't support the number of people in our age range that can vote. We aren't showing up at the polls, we aren't mailing back in our ballots, heck in most cases we aren't even bothering to register. It's easy to register; in most states you can do it at your DMV, post office, county election office, or even online. It's free too.
Some people say they don't want to register because it means they will get pulled into the jury duty pool. Well I got news for you, at least in Oregon, the rules have changed and now the pool is anyone that has a diver's license or state ID. They aren't even using the voter registration pool anymore so chances are you are already in the pool. And even if does put you in the jury duty pool in your state, so what. Jury duty is one of those necessary evils in life much like taxes. Most of the time when you get summoned for duty you get released anyway. It's not that great of an excuse.
I've also heard the excuse of, "I don't know who anybody is or who to vote for so I don't want to vote for anyone." That's just sheer laziness. In this age of instant information at our fingertips there is no reason why you can't do the research. You need to make it your responsibility and your business to know who the candidates are, what they stand for, and what kind of history they have. And it's not just about the people here either.
During elections we are also voting on new laws, laws that for better or worse will impact your life. These could be laws that increase or decrease taxes. Laws that protect a certain class of citizen, or laws that take away certain rights if we aren't careful. Don't think for a moment that the people who want these laws to pass aren't campaigning hard to have people vote the way they want them to. But what if you don't agree with the law, what if you don't like it? Well did you vote? Did you stand up and say I don't think this is right? If not then you are part of the problem and not the solution.
Now, I'm not telling anyone that they have to vote a certain way, and I never will. I may give you the pros and cons I see if you ask, and sometimes even if you don't just because I feel passionate about the topic. But I am begging, pleading, strongly suggesting, and ok downright harassing you to please, please, please vote. It's one of the simplest yet most powerful things you can do. It's your right, and it's your responsibility.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Roles Reversed
We all know rape is wrong. We all know that when an adult has sex with a minor it's wrong. But do we think of it the same way regardless of which gender is perpetrating the crime on which gender? I've begun to realize that in general, we don't. But we should. What got me started on this path was this story on ABC News.
It's a story about a former NFL cheerleader accused of having sex with a 15 year old boy. The article itself is decently written and gives the facts. That's not the part that bothered me, it was the comments. People posting about how the kid screwed up a good thing by telling, and how if they had been getting action from her they wouldn't have said anything. Even comments such as "poor...lucky kid". I was simply appalled by them all. When I tried to post something reasonable about it I was called a turd and a prude.
Here's the thing though, if the roles were reversed...if it was a 47 year old man, even if he was a good looking former GQ model, and it was a 15 year old girl...these same people would be calling for him to be hung up by his testicles. They would want him beat and castrated. They would want him beat maliciously, if they even wanted him living at all. There wouldn't even need to be a trial he would be found guilty in the court of public opinion just from an article being ran and his life would be over.
Women sexual predators historically are handed weaker sentences in the courts, they are given more excuses from their families and friends that are then accepted by the public. They were lonely, they were depressed and unhappy, they needed help and this was their cry for it. But male offenders often are given the maximum sentence, excuses are never acceptable and even if it truly was a misunderstanding they are labeled an offender for life with no chance to redeem themselves in the eyes of the public. They have forever lost our trust.
Now I'm not saying we should trust sex offenders, but I am saying we should treat them equally and look at the circumstances of all cases both of male and female perpetrators. There are some scary psychopathic women out there too that I wouldn't want my kids around. We need to start realizing that women are capable of horrific things too. And we need to hold them accountable.
The current sexual offender registration system is flawed, and needs to desperately be reexamined. It needs to come with some sort of grading or category system that is easy to understand so the general public will know exactly what type of offender they are looking at. Is this some dumb kid who at 18 slept with his 16 year old girlfriend and her parents pressed charges, or is this some sicko that molested dozens of kids and got out on good behavior?
The important thing to remember most of all is that not only can men and women be the bad guys here, but that both men and women, and boys and girls, can be the victims. And males may need even more support than females when they are the victims of a sexual crime than females because of the way our society does view sexual crimes and that we don't typically think of males as the victims. So before you post something stupid about a male victim, stop and think, what would you say if the roles were reversed.
It's a story about a former NFL cheerleader accused of having sex with a 15 year old boy. The article itself is decently written and gives the facts. That's not the part that bothered me, it was the comments. People posting about how the kid screwed up a good thing by telling, and how if they had been getting action from her they wouldn't have said anything. Even comments such as "poor...lucky kid". I was simply appalled by them all. When I tried to post something reasonable about it I was called a turd and a prude.
Here's the thing though, if the roles were reversed...if it was a 47 year old man, even if he was a good looking former GQ model, and it was a 15 year old girl...these same people would be calling for him to be hung up by his testicles. They would want him beat and castrated. They would want him beat maliciously, if they even wanted him living at all. There wouldn't even need to be a trial he would be found guilty in the court of public opinion just from an article being ran and his life would be over.
Women sexual predators historically are handed weaker sentences in the courts, they are given more excuses from their families and friends that are then accepted by the public. They were lonely, they were depressed and unhappy, they needed help and this was their cry for it. But male offenders often are given the maximum sentence, excuses are never acceptable and even if it truly was a misunderstanding they are labeled an offender for life with no chance to redeem themselves in the eyes of the public. They have forever lost our trust.
Now I'm not saying we should trust sex offenders, but I am saying we should treat them equally and look at the circumstances of all cases both of male and female perpetrators. There are some scary psychopathic women out there too that I wouldn't want my kids around. We need to start realizing that women are capable of horrific things too. And we need to hold them accountable.
The current sexual offender registration system is flawed, and needs to desperately be reexamined. It needs to come with some sort of grading or category system that is easy to understand so the general public will know exactly what type of offender they are looking at. Is this some dumb kid who at 18 slept with his 16 year old girlfriend and her parents pressed charges, or is this some sicko that molested dozens of kids and got out on good behavior?
The important thing to remember most of all is that not only can men and women be the bad guys here, but that both men and women, and boys and girls, can be the victims. And males may need even more support than females when they are the victims of a sexual crime than females because of the way our society does view sexual crimes and that we don't typically think of males as the victims. So before you post something stupid about a male victim, stop and think, what would you say if the roles were reversed.
Friday, October 24, 2014
Fear of What Should be Safety
Everyday my three beautiful girls go off to public schools. These institutions have always been a place where kids are supposed to be safe from the dangers of the world. I mean besides bullying, which I know from personal experience can get pretty darn ugly, in general schools are supposed to be safe havens from the general nastiness of the world. But more and more lately I have questioned that, and even begun to actively fear sending my girls to school. It really feels like every time I turn around there is another school shooting, or another one that is planned and the police happen to stop because someone tips them off. It's getting so out of control. I don't ever remember this many major acts of senseless violence in schools when I was growing up. In fact the Columbine school shooting happened after I graduated high school, and it seems like we have gone seriously downhill from there.
Today, another one. This one in Marysville, WA, not all that far from my area. Not much is known right now other than two people have had to be flown out by helicopter and the shooter is dead. Last year there was another one even closer to us in Gresham, OR where both the shooter and another young man lost their lives. Both of these and all the others are senseless tragedies that never needed to happen. In the end all we are left with is the question of why? We can all guess at the answers. Maybe the shooter left a note or clues, and maybe they didn't. Maybe there was a history of bullying or mental illness, and then again maybe not. But if we can't answer why then how can we prevent them?
I have been saying for a long time the answer lies in early detection and prevention of mental illness and bullying prevention. Now granted I just said above maybe we wouldn't have known, and I think the reason for that is the people that are interacting most with these kids are not trained to look for the subtle signs that things are not going so well for them. Everyone keeps jumping up and down screaming about gun control or arming the teachers or more police in the schools or more security measures like metal detectors. Then again, maybe not. These things aren't going to prevent an incident they are made to react to an incident.
Instead I think we need to create programs in our schools where teachers are trained to look for signs of mental illness, signs of behavior change. They need to look for the subtle signs of bullying and learn to address them appropriately. There needs to be a referral system so potentially at risk students can be screened further and put into a program with specialists to help them work through their issues. Parent involvement in these programs would be crucial and additional training and literature would need to be made available to them as well. Would this program be costly? Sure it's not going to come cheap, but can we really put a price on the health and well being of our children let alone their lives?
It's obvious more force is not working. Meeting fire with fire is not the answer. Let's try meeting fire with water and try putting the flame out before it turns into a raging inferno and we are left to deal with the aftermath. I for one am terrified of being the parent that gets the call that my child's school has had an active shooting. I am terrified of one of my girls getting hurt in an incident like this. I want my children, and all children to be safe at school and everywhere in society. I also want the children to get the help they need earlier in life because early intervention in mental illnesses means you are less likely to have someone with serious psychological issues down the road. You have a better chance of having a contributing member of society when they become an adult. Our prisons are full of people with mental illness. If we can get to them before it fully manifests and becomes an issue and help them get early treatment maybe we can even keep them out of prison and lower our crime rate. Now wouldn't that be something?
I'm not saying this is the key to solving all our societal problems. What I am saying is it's time to reform the way we look at mental illness and start using opportunities we have in interacting with young people as early intervention. Will we catch them all? Probably not. Will it solve everything? No. Will there still be acts of violence? I'm sure. But if we can save even one life wouldn't it be worth it? What's the price of one child's life?
Today, another one. This one in Marysville, WA, not all that far from my area. Not much is known right now other than two people have had to be flown out by helicopter and the shooter is dead. Last year there was another one even closer to us in Gresham, OR where both the shooter and another young man lost their lives. Both of these and all the others are senseless tragedies that never needed to happen. In the end all we are left with is the question of why? We can all guess at the answers. Maybe the shooter left a note or clues, and maybe they didn't. Maybe there was a history of bullying or mental illness, and then again maybe not. But if we can't answer why then how can we prevent them?
I have been saying for a long time the answer lies in early detection and prevention of mental illness and bullying prevention. Now granted I just said above maybe we wouldn't have known, and I think the reason for that is the people that are interacting most with these kids are not trained to look for the subtle signs that things are not going so well for them. Everyone keeps jumping up and down screaming about gun control or arming the teachers or more police in the schools or more security measures like metal detectors. Then again, maybe not. These things aren't going to prevent an incident they are made to react to an incident.
Instead I think we need to create programs in our schools where teachers are trained to look for signs of mental illness, signs of behavior change. They need to look for the subtle signs of bullying and learn to address them appropriately. There needs to be a referral system so potentially at risk students can be screened further and put into a program with specialists to help them work through their issues. Parent involvement in these programs would be crucial and additional training and literature would need to be made available to them as well. Would this program be costly? Sure it's not going to come cheap, but can we really put a price on the health and well being of our children let alone their lives?
It's obvious more force is not working. Meeting fire with fire is not the answer. Let's try meeting fire with water and try putting the flame out before it turns into a raging inferno and we are left to deal with the aftermath. I for one am terrified of being the parent that gets the call that my child's school has had an active shooting. I am terrified of one of my girls getting hurt in an incident like this. I want my children, and all children to be safe at school and everywhere in society. I also want the children to get the help they need earlier in life because early intervention in mental illnesses means you are less likely to have someone with serious psychological issues down the road. You have a better chance of having a contributing member of society when they become an adult. Our prisons are full of people with mental illness. If we can get to them before it fully manifests and becomes an issue and help them get early treatment maybe we can even keep them out of prison and lower our crime rate. Now wouldn't that be something?
I'm not saying this is the key to solving all our societal problems. What I am saying is it's time to reform the way we look at mental illness and start using opportunities we have in interacting with young people as early intervention. Will we catch them all? Probably not. Will it solve everything? No. Will there still be acts of violence? I'm sure. But if we can save even one life wouldn't it be worth it? What's the price of one child's life?
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Do Not Pass GO...or 20 MPH
So school is now back in full swing across the country, and that means the 20 MPH school zones are back in effect too. I get it, I really do, you're running late for work it sucks to have to slow down to a crawl, especially if you don't even see any kids. But reality is, you have to do it, and nothing irks me more than those who don't think the rules apply to them. Let's break this down a little shall we?
Why do we even have 20 MPH zones in the first place? Well this one should be a no brainer, but since I have learned that some people are no brainers we will actually cover this topic. There are basically two reasons for this one has to do with you as the driver, and one has to do with the kids themselves. You as the driver have to pay attention to many things while navigating a car, or at least you should be and your phone should not be one of them, things like other cars, traffic signals and signs, normal adult pedestrian and bike traffic. Generally speaking the slower you are travelling the more time you will have to react to any one of these normal things let alone the next part of the equation here. The other thing we have to consider is the kids. Kids by nature are usually short, unless you get to the high school age which we will address in a minute, and they are fast and slippery. Think of them like those water snake toys you may have played with as a kid, you know these things. Even with parental/ adult supervision you never know if or when they are going to slip away to run off to be with that one friend they haven't seen all weekend! Seriously, these little buggers are slippery. Ok, so you're thinking that explains elementary students and maybe some middle school students, but what about the older ones. Well, to put it in simple terms, they're brain damaged. Any parent of a teenager or who has survived raising a teenager will tell you this. They are absolutely brain damaged, especially when left to their own devices and in groups. They think they are invincible and think nothing of putting their own lives and the lives of their friends in danger. For you as the driver this can translate to them darting into traffic to avoid having to walk the extra ten feet to the crosswalk, or pushing each other into the road because it's fun. Even worse are the teen driver's because now you have brain damaged teenagers who think they are invincible behind the wheel. Trust me, you want that extra time to react.
So, when we are in a 20 MPH zone and the zone is in effect I am going to go 20 MPH. If you are behind me do NOT feel the need to crawl into my trunk space to save on gas by hitching a ride. If you do this I will then feel the need to go 18-19 MPH just because. Also, if you are going over the 20 MPH and you then turn into the school parking lot I feel a special kind of loathing for you. This means you either work at the school or are a parent. You should know better and should be setting the example, shame on you. For those of you who think you are special and don't feel the speed limit applies to you and then you are busted and get a hefty ticket, I feel no mercy for you don't complain to me. If you are afraid slowing down for what usually amounts to about 1 mile is going to make you late for work then you need get your lazy butt up earlier or find a new route to work that doesn't involve a school zone.
The moral of the story is slow down for the kids. It really is worth it, how horrible would you feel if you knew you weren't adhering to the speed limit and that one tragedy took place because you couldn't react fast enough? Take the time to slow down.
Why do we even have 20 MPH zones in the first place? Well this one should be a no brainer, but since I have learned that some people are no brainers we will actually cover this topic. There are basically two reasons for this one has to do with you as the driver, and one has to do with the kids themselves. You as the driver have to pay attention to many things while navigating a car, or at least you should be and your phone should not be one of them, things like other cars, traffic signals and signs, normal adult pedestrian and bike traffic. Generally speaking the slower you are travelling the more time you will have to react to any one of these normal things let alone the next part of the equation here. The other thing we have to consider is the kids. Kids by nature are usually short, unless you get to the high school age which we will address in a minute, and they are fast and slippery. Think of them like those water snake toys you may have played with as a kid, you know these things. Even with parental/ adult supervision you never know if or when they are going to slip away to run off to be with that one friend they haven't seen all weekend! Seriously, these little buggers are slippery. Ok, so you're thinking that explains elementary students and maybe some middle school students, but what about the older ones. Well, to put it in simple terms, they're brain damaged. Any parent of a teenager or who has survived raising a teenager will tell you this. They are absolutely brain damaged, especially when left to their own devices and in groups. They think they are invincible and think nothing of putting their own lives and the lives of their friends in danger. For you as the driver this can translate to them darting into traffic to avoid having to walk the extra ten feet to the crosswalk, or pushing each other into the road because it's fun. Even worse are the teen driver's because now you have brain damaged teenagers who think they are invincible behind the wheel. Trust me, you want that extra time to react.
So, when we are in a 20 MPH zone and the zone is in effect I am going to go 20 MPH. If you are behind me do NOT feel the need to crawl into my trunk space to save on gas by hitching a ride. If you do this I will then feel the need to go 18-19 MPH just because. Also, if you are going over the 20 MPH and you then turn into the school parking lot I feel a special kind of loathing for you. This means you either work at the school or are a parent. You should know better and should be setting the example, shame on you. For those of you who think you are special and don't feel the speed limit applies to you and then you are busted and get a hefty ticket, I feel no mercy for you don't complain to me. If you are afraid slowing down for what usually amounts to about 1 mile is going to make you late for work then you need get your lazy butt up earlier or find a new route to work that doesn't involve a school zone.
The moral of the story is slow down for the kids. It really is worth it, how horrible would you feel if you knew you weren't adhering to the speed limit and that one tragedy took place because you couldn't react fast enough? Take the time to slow down.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Thoughts on Discipline
I know I am probably going to raise a lot of eyebrows here, but I think it's something that needs to be addressed, disciplining children. Every parent has their own philosophies and ways that they feel is the best way for their child, and as long as they aren't raising some tyrant that won't listen or flat out beating the kid I am all for different parenting techniques. The problem becomes everybody thinks their way is the best and the only way, and if you aren't doing it their way then you must be a "bad parent". The truth is parenting styles have to be different because kids are all different and parents are different.
Not every kid/parent combo is going to make every parenting style work for them. Sometimes time outs work well, and sometimes you have a slippery little bugger who's just not going to sit still in that chair for five minutes. You've got to figure out what works for you, and it doesn't have to be set in stone. In fact I think it works best if both the parent and the child are willing to adapt and try new things, especially as the child grows and reaches new boundaries. Sticking their nose against the wall tends to lose something when they hit the teen years after all. Then again, the threat of it in a public place is just enough humility to straighten up a nasty attitude ;).
This brings us to the dreaded topic of corporal punishment, and the whole reason I started this post. Lately in the news certain professional football players have been making headlines and not for their abilities on the field. The one player has been accused of using a switch to punish his 4-year old and drawing blood. I think we can all agree that is going way too far. Another one has now admitted to using "harsh" punishment on his 1-year old. Again this is a bit much. But what about other forms of physical discipline? Do they have a place in your parenting style? There seems to be a lot of heated debate over this with a very firm line drawn in the sand. Personally, with younger children and as a last resort, I see no issue with a few quick pops on the behind. Always with an open hand only. It should never be done with any implement and it should never be done out of anger. There should always be a warning to the child so that they know if the behavior is done again this is what is coming and there is a set number of spankings coming. They should never be full force, but just enough to get their attention. I rarely had to use these with my girls, and they were effective.
As for the argument that it only teaches kids to hit, I can promise you kids learn to hit anyway. My girls were never excessively violent with each other or anyone else. And now they know that you should use words to solve conflicts with your peers and adults. They understand spankings happen from parent to child only. Kids are amazingly intelligent that way. I respect those parents that choose not to spank for their personal reasons, just as I respect their different parenting styles. I think as long as the child is not being abused, and yes there is a big difference. We all need to respect each other as parents and realize we are all trying to do the what we think is best for our children.
Not every kid/parent combo is going to make every parenting style work for them. Sometimes time outs work well, and sometimes you have a slippery little bugger who's just not going to sit still in that chair for five minutes. You've got to figure out what works for you, and it doesn't have to be set in stone. In fact I think it works best if both the parent and the child are willing to adapt and try new things, especially as the child grows and reaches new boundaries. Sticking their nose against the wall tends to lose something when they hit the teen years after all. Then again, the threat of it in a public place is just enough humility to straighten up a nasty attitude ;).
This brings us to the dreaded topic of corporal punishment, and the whole reason I started this post. Lately in the news certain professional football players have been making headlines and not for their abilities on the field. The one player has been accused of using a switch to punish his 4-year old and drawing blood. I think we can all agree that is going way too far. Another one has now admitted to using "harsh" punishment on his 1-year old. Again this is a bit much. But what about other forms of physical discipline? Do they have a place in your parenting style? There seems to be a lot of heated debate over this with a very firm line drawn in the sand. Personally, with younger children and as a last resort, I see no issue with a few quick pops on the behind. Always with an open hand only. It should never be done with any implement and it should never be done out of anger. There should always be a warning to the child so that they know if the behavior is done again this is what is coming and there is a set number of spankings coming. They should never be full force, but just enough to get their attention. I rarely had to use these with my girls, and they were effective.
As for the argument that it only teaches kids to hit, I can promise you kids learn to hit anyway. My girls were never excessively violent with each other or anyone else. And now they know that you should use words to solve conflicts with your peers and adults. They understand spankings happen from parent to child only. Kids are amazingly intelligent that way. I respect those parents that choose not to spank for their personal reasons, just as I respect their different parenting styles. I think as long as the child is not being abused, and yes there is a big difference. We all need to respect each other as parents and realize we are all trying to do the what we think is best for our children.
Monday, August 25, 2014
Ignorance is not Bliss
I will admit that I am sort of a reality TV junky. I love almost all of the talent shows, yes I watched the Rising Star finale last night and was pissed off that the West Coast didn't get to vote, and sometimes I even get into the human interest type shows. I am not a fan of the dating shows like Bachelor or Bachelorette. One of the shows I have liked for years has been 19 Kids and Counting, or however many kids they had at the time. I have liked this family since they had just a single show special about having a large family.
Those of you who know me know that I am as far from like this family as you can probably get. I am a practicing Witch, very granola, have lived an alternative lifestyle, have questionable tastes in just about everything, and most of all am a huge supporter of the LGBTQ community. Yet I still love this family. I love them because even though we don't share the same beliefs, and they would probably damn me to their hell, they have a very strong conviction in their beliefs and they don't waiver from them. I love them because they teach their children good and honest values. I love them because even though they have this mammoth family they aren't living off the government, in fact they pay taxes for other kids to use the public schools while home schooling their own kids. And up until now I have actually defended them to others.
But now we have a problem. You see Michelle Duggar made a crucial mistake in my book. She opened her mouth without doing her research, and in doing so she not only labeled an entire community but she also insulted them. Her town of Fayetteville, AK was voting on an ordinance that would prevent discrimination of transgender people in their town. It would allow them to file complaints if they felt they had been discriminated against during housing transactions, employment decisions, and other public accommodations. This would include using the public restroom and changing facilities that the person identifies with and not necessarily the gender they are born with.
This is where Michelle decided she had issues. According to a pre-recorded message that was dialed out to residents of Fayetteville Michelle said in part "males with past child predator convictions that claim they are female to have a legal right to enter private areas that are reserved for women and girls." Oh Michelle, really? Is this really what you think of the trans community? If so you really need to educate yourself before you open your mouth on the subject again.
The truth is trans people are just like any other people in that there are all types, and the majority of them just want the chance to live their lives as the gender they feel they should have been born with. What about all the little boys that should have been little girls? Or vice versa? What about all the women who should have been men? Do you think this is easy for them? Because I can guarantee this sure isn't a choice. Nobody chooses to take this hard road. Trans people are some of the strongest and bravest people I know. They have the courage to live life as their true selves. How many of the rest of us can say the same thing?
Are there creep child predators out there? Sure there are. Do they go around masquerading as women to get to your kids? Probably not. There are much easier and more effective ways to get to your kids than acting like a woman. It's not the transgendered people you have to watch out for. It's the quiet next door neighbors you'd never suspect, or the coaches who spend just a little extra time with your child. You want to protect your kids then talk to them about the signs of being groomed for abuse. Talk to them about how to get away and how to talk to someone if something does happen. Talk to the little ones about who can touch and when and why and where. But for goodness sake don't instill a fear of somebody just because they are different than you.
Those of you who know me know that I am as far from like this family as you can probably get. I am a practicing Witch, very granola, have lived an alternative lifestyle, have questionable tastes in just about everything, and most of all am a huge supporter of the LGBTQ community. Yet I still love this family. I love them because even though we don't share the same beliefs, and they would probably damn me to their hell, they have a very strong conviction in their beliefs and they don't waiver from them. I love them because they teach their children good and honest values. I love them because even though they have this mammoth family they aren't living off the government, in fact they pay taxes for other kids to use the public schools while home schooling their own kids. And up until now I have actually defended them to others.
But now we have a problem. You see Michelle Duggar made a crucial mistake in my book. She opened her mouth without doing her research, and in doing so she not only labeled an entire community but she also insulted them. Her town of Fayetteville, AK was voting on an ordinance that would prevent discrimination of transgender people in their town. It would allow them to file complaints if they felt they had been discriminated against during housing transactions, employment decisions, and other public accommodations. This would include using the public restroom and changing facilities that the person identifies with and not necessarily the gender they are born with.
This is where Michelle decided she had issues. According to a pre-recorded message that was dialed out to residents of Fayetteville Michelle said in part "males with past child predator convictions that claim they are female to have a legal right to enter private areas that are reserved for women and girls." Oh Michelle, really? Is this really what you think of the trans community? If so you really need to educate yourself before you open your mouth on the subject again.
The truth is trans people are just like any other people in that there are all types, and the majority of them just want the chance to live their lives as the gender they feel they should have been born with. What about all the little boys that should have been little girls? Or vice versa? What about all the women who should have been men? Do you think this is easy for them? Because I can guarantee this sure isn't a choice. Nobody chooses to take this hard road. Trans people are some of the strongest and bravest people I know. They have the courage to live life as their true selves. How many of the rest of us can say the same thing?
Are there creep child predators out there? Sure there are. Do they go around masquerading as women to get to your kids? Probably not. There are much easier and more effective ways to get to your kids than acting like a woman. It's not the transgendered people you have to watch out for. It's the quiet next door neighbors you'd never suspect, or the coaches who spend just a little extra time with your child. You want to protect your kids then talk to them about the signs of being groomed for abuse. Talk to them about how to get away and how to talk to someone if something does happen. Talk to the little ones about who can touch and when and why and where. But for goodness sake don't instill a fear of somebody just because they are different than you.
Friday, August 22, 2014
Age of Innocence
I've always loved children. In fact so much so that even when I was a child myself I can remember thinking that when I grew up I was going to have a big family and that I would have at least two daughters and one would be named Isabella and the other Annabel, both old family names. But, as fate would have it I can't have my own biological children, and thus far have not been in a position to adopt. Though I have, through a strange set of circumstances that we will save for another day, become mommy #2 to three beautiful girls (none of whom are named Isabella or Annabel but that's okay because I still love them with all my heart). But even before becoming a parent I was highly involved with children in anyway I could be. I worked in childcare for a long time, and after that I was part of the Big Brothers Big Sisters program. On top of that I had friends who had kids that I doted on like they were my nieces and nephews. I just plain love kids. And as such I am huge advocate and protector of kids. I can't stand to see a child abused, exploited, or hurt in any way. It makes my blood boil and my heart break.
I'm also an artist. I see the beauty in the world around me. I look at everyday things and see them in a different light than what the average person may see. I see the colors, the lines, the shapes, the light, the shadows, and how they all converge to create a picture. I see concepts and how to tell a story without using words or sounds. I especially love photography. I like looking through the lens of my camera and finding that perfect shot to capture that one fleeting moment in time where everything lined up perfectly. And I love photographing people and capturing that look on their face, the glint in their eye, the way they carry their body.
So what do these two things have to do with each other? Well there is a photographer out there who has created quite a bit of controversy over a series of photos he did involving his two year old daughter. His name is Wyatt Neumann, and you can see his work here. These photos, to me, clearly depict the innocence of a young child. She can be seen in her princess dress in some, and in some with nothing on at all, and there are various stages in between. But let's be honest parents, what two year old keeps their clothes on all the time? None of the photos depict poses that could be construed as sexual in nature. They are all carefree and very child like. From an artistic standpoint they are amazing!
That being said, the parent and child advocate in me has some concerns. While I find no sexual interest in these photos I know there are some seriously disturbed individuals out there who will. By releasing these photos on into the wilds of the internet so to speak Mr. Neumann is potentially setting his daughter up for victimization even if they never realize it. As parents we probably all have pictures of our kids in the bathtub or some other such adorable naked pictures reserved for blackmail and embarrassment on first dates, but are those really the pictures we want to make public? I know I have a fabulous shot of my youngest standing at a railing looking at a mountain and a gust of wind had blown up her dress revealing that her underwear had given her a wedgie when she was about 3. It is probably one of my favorite pictures because it is just too darn precious, but it will never leave the confines of the family.
I get that he is an artist, and this is his craft. I also get that the intention behind these photos are pure innocence, and I can see the innocence there. I'm just not sure that these pictures are appropriate to be posting online. Perhaps in an art gallery or something of that nature where they are less accessible to the world. I'm not saying what he did is 100% wrong, but I'm not saying it's 100% right either. I'm thinking that his intentions were really good, and perhaps it could have been handled better. But I will say this, after his original posting of the photos the amount of hate mail this man received was phenomenal, and I think totally undeserved. The things people said to him and about him were horrible, rude, and nasty. And honestly, if your first thought when you look at those images of that little girl is pornography then you are the one with the sick mind. And I think he handled the feedback brilliantly.
If you are interested in seeing it all please check out the link above. Also, the Huffington Post did an article about the whole fiasco which is here.
I'm also an artist. I see the beauty in the world around me. I look at everyday things and see them in a different light than what the average person may see. I see the colors, the lines, the shapes, the light, the shadows, and how they all converge to create a picture. I see concepts and how to tell a story without using words or sounds. I especially love photography. I like looking through the lens of my camera and finding that perfect shot to capture that one fleeting moment in time where everything lined up perfectly. And I love photographing people and capturing that look on their face, the glint in their eye, the way they carry their body.
So what do these two things have to do with each other? Well there is a photographer out there who has created quite a bit of controversy over a series of photos he did involving his two year old daughter. His name is Wyatt Neumann, and you can see his work here. These photos, to me, clearly depict the innocence of a young child. She can be seen in her princess dress in some, and in some with nothing on at all, and there are various stages in between. But let's be honest parents, what two year old keeps their clothes on all the time? None of the photos depict poses that could be construed as sexual in nature. They are all carefree and very child like. From an artistic standpoint they are amazing!
That being said, the parent and child advocate in me has some concerns. While I find no sexual interest in these photos I know there are some seriously disturbed individuals out there who will. By releasing these photos on into the wilds of the internet so to speak Mr. Neumann is potentially setting his daughter up for victimization even if they never realize it. As parents we probably all have pictures of our kids in the bathtub or some other such adorable naked pictures reserved for blackmail and embarrassment on first dates, but are those really the pictures we want to make public? I know I have a fabulous shot of my youngest standing at a railing looking at a mountain and a gust of wind had blown up her dress revealing that her underwear had given her a wedgie when she was about 3. It is probably one of my favorite pictures because it is just too darn precious, but it will never leave the confines of the family.
I get that he is an artist, and this is his craft. I also get that the intention behind these photos are pure innocence, and I can see the innocence there. I'm just not sure that these pictures are appropriate to be posting online. Perhaps in an art gallery or something of that nature where they are less accessible to the world. I'm not saying what he did is 100% wrong, but I'm not saying it's 100% right either. I'm thinking that his intentions were really good, and perhaps it could have been handled better. But I will say this, after his original posting of the photos the amount of hate mail this man received was phenomenal, and I think totally undeserved. The things people said to him and about him were horrible, rude, and nasty. And honestly, if your first thought when you look at those images of that little girl is pornography then you are the one with the sick mind. And I think he handled the feedback brilliantly.
If you are interested in seeing it all please check out the link above. Also, the Huffington Post did an article about the whole fiasco which is here.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Boob Juice
Breastfeeding is one of the most natural and wonderful things a mother can do for her child. Lately, it has become a huge topic of conversation and debate. The rights of the breastfeeding mother and baby vs the rights of everyone else. Ah yes, "rights", we throw that word around a lot in this country. I have a "right" to this, you have a "right" to that, we have a "rights", you have no "right". But what are we really saying here?
The dictionary defines rights in this context as "a moral or legal entitlement to have or obtain something or to act in a certain way". So let's look at this piece by piece shall we?
Morally, a mother has the right and the responsibility to feed her child. Now whether she chooses to bottle or breast feed her child is a personal choice based on many factors that can only be made by that woman and should NEVER be dictated by someone else. Morally, a breast was evolved for feeding a child. That's it. It's society, and men in particular, that have sexualized the female breast and made it a taboo part of the female anatomy. You enjoy seeing scantily clad lingerie ads, and women in skimpy bikinis on the beach, but if a woman exposes the same amount of flesh while using her breast for what it was intended suddenly you become uncomfortable and offended. For some reason this puzzles me. Also, American society in particular is one of the most sexually repressed and hypocritical societies out there. We are such prudes yet we are one of the largest consumers of pornographic materials. And we have issues with a woman's breast tissue as she feeds her baby?
Ok now legally, 29 states (plus the District of Columbia and the Virgin Islands) have laws that exempt breastfeeding mothers from public indecency laws. 46 states (plus the District of Columbia and the Virgin Islands) have laws that specifically allow women to breastfeed in any public or private location. I know, I know the rest of you are jumping up and down screaming what about your rights not to see it! Well you fine people have the right to look away. Really, it's that simple. I have seen when a mother is getting ready to breastfeed, there are tell tale signs, and you too can watch for them. If you see them then simply look the other way. If a mother has a fussy baby and starts to shift her clothing, look away. If a mother starts to hold the baby close to her breast and lifting her shirt or unbuttoning her blouse, look away. It's that easy. If you have kids with you who are curious don't make a big deal out of it. Simply say something like the baby is hungry and that's how they eat and change the conversation. Kids are easily distracted like that. Because legally, in most states and places, the mother's legal right trumps your moral one.
So now you want to whine about why can't the mom just throw a blanket over the baby so they are all covered up and you can feel better about the whole thing? I tell you what, just for fun how about we play a little game. I am going to give you a glass of warm milk and then I am going to cover you with a warm blanket and put you up against a heating pad and leave you there for about fifteen minutes while you slowly sip your warm milk and see how comfortable you are. Because if you think about it that's what you are doing to that baby. Sure, some can tolerate it, but not all can. You have to remember there is body heat generated between the mother and the baby and then you trap that heat by a blanket, and then you add in the body temperature breast milk. Right there you have a recipe for a baby who won't eat at best, and an upset tummy at worst.
So let's leave the mom's alone. Let them do their job of raising strong, healthy babies. They have enough on their plates without strangers giving them a hard time for doing what comes naturally.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
All for Laughs
This article was on my Facebook feed today, and I was outraged. The family thought it was funny to duct tape, yes I said duct tape, a baby's pacifier into her mouth. They said the baby was never in danger and the tape was removed right after the picture.
First off, why? Why do you feel the need to do something so stupid and then document it for all your friends and family to see? Are "normal" baby pictures not good enough anymore and you now feel the need to up the ante? What is this child going to think of you when she is 25?
Secondly, did you really think this through? You used duct tape which is an industrial strength product with a super strong adhesive. Men use this stuff to fix EVERYTHING! Even if you didn't press it down onto the baby's skin it obviously made contact. Now, I am an adult with sensitive skin and even the adhesive in bandages and first aid tape hurt to pull off and can cause contact dermatitis which can cause red bumps and painful blisters. I can't imagine pulling duct tape off the thin sensitive skin of a baby had to feel very good.
Let's also talk about safety. Sure the nose wasn't 100% blocked, but it doesn't look like it's exactly 100% clear either. And we all know babies are little booger factories. If her little nose was the least bit congested that could have made for some difficult breathing. Also, babies are notorious for upchucking at the most inopportune times. What would have happened if this little darling all of a sudden decided to reject her last meal and it had no where to go? It could have easily gotten into her lungs causing serious illness or even death.
So while we all want adorable photos of our kids. Maybe sometimes it's best to just keep the camera ready and let the kids produce the cute all on their own. I fear our societal turn towards documenting and sharing every bit of our children's lives and having so many of the really cute ones going "viral" has led us to feel like we need to manufacture cute. Let the kids be kids and leave the duct tape in the tool box.
Laughter Does Not Equal Happiness
This week the entertainment community, and dare I say it the world, was shocked when the comedic genius Robin Williams committed suicide. I've read the news reports, and I've seen the comments. So many of them are so misguided and so harsh.
People are saying they don't understand because he was always so funny, or that suicide is so selfish or cowardly. I am here to tell you that no, you don't understand. As someone who has been so low and in such a dark place as to feel there is no way out but to commit suicide, I can tell you it is not a cowardly act and it is not selfish.
When you are in that place your mind is so twisted that you truly believe you are doing the world a favor and that those you love will be better off without you. You believe you are doing the right thing. And it takes more courage than you can ever imagine to take the actual steps and make the commitment to take your own life. I was lucky, I didn't succeed and I got help.
Another thing people are saying is that how can someone be so sad who was always laughing? On the day I tried to die I went to school, and I laughed with my friends like there was nothing was wrong. Nobody suspected a thing.
One thing those of us who suffer from depression are good at is putting on a mask and faking it for the world. What we need is for those who are closest to us to look for those small clues that things really aren't okay. Have are sleeping habits changed? Are we acting a little more withdrawn? Have we stopped doing some of our favorite activities? Have we stopped having sex (for those of us that were having it regularly)? If we were on antidepressants have we stopped taking them without talking to a doctor?
These are all reasons to be concerned. Don't confront us though. Ask if we need help. Ask how you can help. Let us know you are there for us. Let us know we are loved and needed. If we push away don't give up. Keep offering. If you are really worried for us, and we say or do anything that makes you think we will harm ourselves or others please take action. It's better to have us alive and angry at you for a little while than not.
With that said I only hope that Mr. Williams has found the peace he was looking for.
People are saying they don't understand because he was always so funny, or that suicide is so selfish or cowardly. I am here to tell you that no, you don't understand. As someone who has been so low and in such a dark place as to feel there is no way out but to commit suicide, I can tell you it is not a cowardly act and it is not selfish.
When you are in that place your mind is so twisted that you truly believe you are doing the world a favor and that those you love will be better off without you. You believe you are doing the right thing. And it takes more courage than you can ever imagine to take the actual steps and make the commitment to take your own life. I was lucky, I didn't succeed and I got help.
Another thing people are saying is that how can someone be so sad who was always laughing? On the day I tried to die I went to school, and I laughed with my friends like there was nothing was wrong. Nobody suspected a thing.
One thing those of us who suffer from depression are good at is putting on a mask and faking it for the world. What we need is for those who are closest to us to look for those small clues that things really aren't okay. Have are sleeping habits changed? Are we acting a little more withdrawn? Have we stopped doing some of our favorite activities? Have we stopped having sex (for those of us that were having it regularly)? If we were on antidepressants have we stopped taking them without talking to a doctor?
These are all reasons to be concerned. Don't confront us though. Ask if we need help. Ask how you can help. Let us know you are there for us. Let us know we are loved and needed. If we push away don't give up. Keep offering. If you are really worried for us, and we say or do anything that makes you think we will harm ourselves or others please take action. It's better to have us alive and angry at you for a little while than not.
With that said I only hope that Mr. Williams has found the peace he was looking for.
Why am I here?
I tried this blogging thing once before, and I didn't really keep up with it. So why try again? Because this time I have soap boxes, as my lovely fiancé likes to put it. There are things in this world that I feel very strongly about, and when they come up in the media, in conversation, in situations at work, or just about anywhere I get very passionate about them. My fiancé sort of teases me and says I have a built in soapbox that springs to life whenever these things come up and he even makes these mechanical Transformer type noises to emulate it appearing below my feet. It's sort of cute, and sort of true.
But I can't help myself. There are just some things that I feel so passionate about, and so opinionated about that I can't help but to weigh in on them. Besides that, I love to write. So a blog seemed to be a good opportunity for me to not only address these topics, but also to get back into doing some of the writing I love to do.
So what are some of these topics I feel so very passionate about? Well here's a small list to get started with. Please note that this list is not meant to encompass everything and is no particular order, and other things may be added as they are brought up in society. These are just my current hot buttons where you are guaranteed to get an earful if you press them.
Combating Bullying
Mental Illness Awareness and Acceptance
Same Sex Marriage - I am for it
LGBTQ Rights - I am for it
Body Image in Media and Advertising
Children's Rights and Child Abuse
Legalize Marijuana - I am for it
HPV Vaccine - Needs more research
On top of addressing these issues I hope to use this space to share my experiences and to open my mind and thoughts to the world. Sometimes it may be funny, sometimes it may be sad. Sometimes it may be uncomfortable to read. I welcome any and all feedback as long as it's constructive.
So ready or not here we go...
But I can't help myself. There are just some things that I feel so passionate about, and so opinionated about that I can't help but to weigh in on them. Besides that, I love to write. So a blog seemed to be a good opportunity for me to not only address these topics, but also to get back into doing some of the writing I love to do.
So what are some of these topics I feel so very passionate about? Well here's a small list to get started with. Please note that this list is not meant to encompass everything and is no particular order, and other things may be added as they are brought up in society. These are just my current hot buttons where you are guaranteed to get an earful if you press them.
Combating Bullying
Mental Illness Awareness and Acceptance
Same Sex Marriage - I am for it
LGBTQ Rights - I am for it
Body Image in Media and Advertising
Children's Rights and Child Abuse
Legalize Marijuana - I am for it
HPV Vaccine - Needs more research
On top of addressing these issues I hope to use this space to share my experiences and to open my mind and thoughts to the world. Sometimes it may be funny, sometimes it may be sad. Sometimes it may be uncomfortable to read. I welcome any and all feedback as long as it's constructive.
So ready or not here we go...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)