Now that marijuana has been legalized in Oregon, and even more recently can be sold in a retail setting, it has become a hot topic of conversation everywhere. On one hand I think that's great. We should be talking about it. We should talk about its risks, its benefits, appropriate times to use it, legal age, and all the other important boundaries we would talk about with any other controlled substance like tobacco or alcohol.
The problem I am having is the media sensationalizing any and every negative experience that has happened here that may or may not involve marijuana. For one thing, it gives the impression hat it only happened because marijuana was legalized, and for another it gives the impression that whatever the outcome was marijuana was the one and only cause. Neither of these is always true.
For example there is this recent tragic event. Notice how the headline boldly claims the driver allegedly was smoking pot. Notice how they slipped in there that the accident comes just 5 days after retail sales of recreational marijuana is legal. And also notice that all the way at the bottom they finally say that the driver was smoking "seconds" before the crash.
Don't get me wrong, I do not in any way shape or form condone any type of driving while under the influence. However, for the sake of playing devil's advocate, let's say that this moron took his very first hit just seconds before the crash. He would not have been high at that point, it takes a little time to get to that point. Could he have been distracted? Probably, but high? Most likely not.
Also, the fact that retail sales just started has absolutely nothing to do with this story. If the media and authorities think that just because it is legal it is all of a sudden easier to get your hands on marijuana then they are really delusional. This area has to be one of the easiest to buy marijuana, even before it was legal. I can think of about 5 people off of the top of my head I could go to and say hey, I want to get high, and they would gladly oblige. This same tragic accident could have easily taken place last year, the year before, or even 4 years ago for that matter. Making it legal doesn't make people smarter. It just makes it so those who choose not to break the law can enjoy what is known to be a relatively safe drug when used in moderation like everything else.
So the next time you see a news article that makes you angry about a hot topic issue stop and ask yourself, is this just a matter of perspective?
Showing posts with label news. Show all posts
Showing posts with label news. Show all posts
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Roles Reversed
We all know rape is wrong. We all know that when an adult has sex with a minor it's wrong. But do we think of it the same way regardless of which gender is perpetrating the crime on which gender? I've begun to realize that in general, we don't. But we should. What got me started on this path was this story on ABC News.
It's a story about a former NFL cheerleader accused of having sex with a 15 year old boy. The article itself is decently written and gives the facts. That's not the part that bothered me, it was the comments. People posting about how the kid screwed up a good thing by telling, and how if they had been getting action from her they wouldn't have said anything. Even comments such as "poor...lucky kid". I was simply appalled by them all. When I tried to post something reasonable about it I was called a turd and a prude.
Here's the thing though, if the roles were reversed...if it was a 47 year old man, even if he was a good looking former GQ model, and it was a 15 year old girl...these same people would be calling for him to be hung up by his testicles. They would want him beat and castrated. They would want him beat maliciously, if they even wanted him living at all. There wouldn't even need to be a trial he would be found guilty in the court of public opinion just from an article being ran and his life would be over.
Women sexual predators historically are handed weaker sentences in the courts, they are given more excuses from their families and friends that are then accepted by the public. They were lonely, they were depressed and unhappy, they needed help and this was their cry for it. But male offenders often are given the maximum sentence, excuses are never acceptable and even if it truly was a misunderstanding they are labeled an offender for life with no chance to redeem themselves in the eyes of the public. They have forever lost our trust.
Now I'm not saying we should trust sex offenders, but I am saying we should treat them equally and look at the circumstances of all cases both of male and female perpetrators. There are some scary psychopathic women out there too that I wouldn't want my kids around. We need to start realizing that women are capable of horrific things too. And we need to hold them accountable.
The current sexual offender registration system is flawed, and needs to desperately be reexamined. It needs to come with some sort of grading or category system that is easy to understand so the general public will know exactly what type of offender they are looking at. Is this some dumb kid who at 18 slept with his 16 year old girlfriend and her parents pressed charges, or is this some sicko that molested dozens of kids and got out on good behavior?
The important thing to remember most of all is that not only can men and women be the bad guys here, but that both men and women, and boys and girls, can be the victims. And males may need even more support than females when they are the victims of a sexual crime than females because of the way our society does view sexual crimes and that we don't typically think of males as the victims. So before you post something stupid about a male victim, stop and think, what would you say if the roles were reversed.
It's a story about a former NFL cheerleader accused of having sex with a 15 year old boy. The article itself is decently written and gives the facts. That's not the part that bothered me, it was the comments. People posting about how the kid screwed up a good thing by telling, and how if they had been getting action from her they wouldn't have said anything. Even comments such as "poor...lucky kid". I was simply appalled by them all. When I tried to post something reasonable about it I was called a turd and a prude.
Here's the thing though, if the roles were reversed...if it was a 47 year old man, even if he was a good looking former GQ model, and it was a 15 year old girl...these same people would be calling for him to be hung up by his testicles. They would want him beat and castrated. They would want him beat maliciously, if they even wanted him living at all. There wouldn't even need to be a trial he would be found guilty in the court of public opinion just from an article being ran and his life would be over.
Women sexual predators historically are handed weaker sentences in the courts, they are given more excuses from their families and friends that are then accepted by the public. They were lonely, they were depressed and unhappy, they needed help and this was their cry for it. But male offenders often are given the maximum sentence, excuses are never acceptable and even if it truly was a misunderstanding they are labeled an offender for life with no chance to redeem themselves in the eyes of the public. They have forever lost our trust.
Now I'm not saying we should trust sex offenders, but I am saying we should treat them equally and look at the circumstances of all cases both of male and female perpetrators. There are some scary psychopathic women out there too that I wouldn't want my kids around. We need to start realizing that women are capable of horrific things too. And we need to hold them accountable.
The current sexual offender registration system is flawed, and needs to desperately be reexamined. It needs to come with some sort of grading or category system that is easy to understand so the general public will know exactly what type of offender they are looking at. Is this some dumb kid who at 18 slept with his 16 year old girlfriend and her parents pressed charges, or is this some sicko that molested dozens of kids and got out on good behavior?
The important thing to remember most of all is that not only can men and women be the bad guys here, but that both men and women, and boys and girls, can be the victims. And males may need even more support than females when they are the victims of a sexual crime than females because of the way our society does view sexual crimes and that we don't typically think of males as the victims. So before you post something stupid about a male victim, stop and think, what would you say if the roles were reversed.
Friday, October 24, 2014
Fear of What Should be Safety
Everyday my three beautiful girls go off to public schools. These institutions have always been a place where kids are supposed to be safe from the dangers of the world. I mean besides bullying, which I know from personal experience can get pretty darn ugly, in general schools are supposed to be safe havens from the general nastiness of the world. But more and more lately I have questioned that, and even begun to actively fear sending my girls to school. It really feels like every time I turn around there is another school shooting, or another one that is planned and the police happen to stop because someone tips them off. It's getting so out of control. I don't ever remember this many major acts of senseless violence in schools when I was growing up. In fact the Columbine school shooting happened after I graduated high school, and it seems like we have gone seriously downhill from there.
Today, another one. This one in Marysville, WA, not all that far from my area. Not much is known right now other than two people have had to be flown out by helicopter and the shooter is dead. Last year there was another one even closer to us in Gresham, OR where both the shooter and another young man lost their lives. Both of these and all the others are senseless tragedies that never needed to happen. In the end all we are left with is the question of why? We can all guess at the answers. Maybe the shooter left a note or clues, and maybe they didn't. Maybe there was a history of bullying or mental illness, and then again maybe not. But if we can't answer why then how can we prevent them?
I have been saying for a long time the answer lies in early detection and prevention of mental illness and bullying prevention. Now granted I just said above maybe we wouldn't have known, and I think the reason for that is the people that are interacting most with these kids are not trained to look for the subtle signs that things are not going so well for them. Everyone keeps jumping up and down screaming about gun control or arming the teachers or more police in the schools or more security measures like metal detectors. Then again, maybe not. These things aren't going to prevent an incident they are made to react to an incident.
Instead I think we need to create programs in our schools where teachers are trained to look for signs of mental illness, signs of behavior change. They need to look for the subtle signs of bullying and learn to address them appropriately. There needs to be a referral system so potentially at risk students can be screened further and put into a program with specialists to help them work through their issues. Parent involvement in these programs would be crucial and additional training and literature would need to be made available to them as well. Would this program be costly? Sure it's not going to come cheap, but can we really put a price on the health and well being of our children let alone their lives?
It's obvious more force is not working. Meeting fire with fire is not the answer. Let's try meeting fire with water and try putting the flame out before it turns into a raging inferno and we are left to deal with the aftermath. I for one am terrified of being the parent that gets the call that my child's school has had an active shooting. I am terrified of one of my girls getting hurt in an incident like this. I want my children, and all children to be safe at school and everywhere in society. I also want the children to get the help they need earlier in life because early intervention in mental illnesses means you are less likely to have someone with serious psychological issues down the road. You have a better chance of having a contributing member of society when they become an adult. Our prisons are full of people with mental illness. If we can get to them before it fully manifests and becomes an issue and help them get early treatment maybe we can even keep them out of prison and lower our crime rate. Now wouldn't that be something?
I'm not saying this is the key to solving all our societal problems. What I am saying is it's time to reform the way we look at mental illness and start using opportunities we have in interacting with young people as early intervention. Will we catch them all? Probably not. Will it solve everything? No. Will there still be acts of violence? I'm sure. But if we can save even one life wouldn't it be worth it? What's the price of one child's life?
Today, another one. This one in Marysville, WA, not all that far from my area. Not much is known right now other than two people have had to be flown out by helicopter and the shooter is dead. Last year there was another one even closer to us in Gresham, OR where both the shooter and another young man lost their lives. Both of these and all the others are senseless tragedies that never needed to happen. In the end all we are left with is the question of why? We can all guess at the answers. Maybe the shooter left a note or clues, and maybe they didn't. Maybe there was a history of bullying or mental illness, and then again maybe not. But if we can't answer why then how can we prevent them?
I have been saying for a long time the answer lies in early detection and prevention of mental illness and bullying prevention. Now granted I just said above maybe we wouldn't have known, and I think the reason for that is the people that are interacting most with these kids are not trained to look for the subtle signs that things are not going so well for them. Everyone keeps jumping up and down screaming about gun control or arming the teachers or more police in the schools or more security measures like metal detectors. Then again, maybe not. These things aren't going to prevent an incident they are made to react to an incident.
Instead I think we need to create programs in our schools where teachers are trained to look for signs of mental illness, signs of behavior change. They need to look for the subtle signs of bullying and learn to address them appropriately. There needs to be a referral system so potentially at risk students can be screened further and put into a program with specialists to help them work through their issues. Parent involvement in these programs would be crucial and additional training and literature would need to be made available to them as well. Would this program be costly? Sure it's not going to come cheap, but can we really put a price on the health and well being of our children let alone their lives?
It's obvious more force is not working. Meeting fire with fire is not the answer. Let's try meeting fire with water and try putting the flame out before it turns into a raging inferno and we are left to deal with the aftermath. I for one am terrified of being the parent that gets the call that my child's school has had an active shooting. I am terrified of one of my girls getting hurt in an incident like this. I want my children, and all children to be safe at school and everywhere in society. I also want the children to get the help they need earlier in life because early intervention in mental illnesses means you are less likely to have someone with serious psychological issues down the road. You have a better chance of having a contributing member of society when they become an adult. Our prisons are full of people with mental illness. If we can get to them before it fully manifests and becomes an issue and help them get early treatment maybe we can even keep them out of prison and lower our crime rate. Now wouldn't that be something?
I'm not saying this is the key to solving all our societal problems. What I am saying is it's time to reform the way we look at mental illness and start using opportunities we have in interacting with young people as early intervention. Will we catch them all? Probably not. Will it solve everything? No. Will there still be acts of violence? I'm sure. But if we can save even one life wouldn't it be worth it? What's the price of one child's life?
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Thoughts on Discipline
I know I am probably going to raise a lot of eyebrows here, but I think it's something that needs to be addressed, disciplining children. Every parent has their own philosophies and ways that they feel is the best way for their child, and as long as they aren't raising some tyrant that won't listen or flat out beating the kid I am all for different parenting techniques. The problem becomes everybody thinks their way is the best and the only way, and if you aren't doing it their way then you must be a "bad parent". The truth is parenting styles have to be different because kids are all different and parents are different.
Not every kid/parent combo is going to make every parenting style work for them. Sometimes time outs work well, and sometimes you have a slippery little bugger who's just not going to sit still in that chair for five minutes. You've got to figure out what works for you, and it doesn't have to be set in stone. In fact I think it works best if both the parent and the child are willing to adapt and try new things, especially as the child grows and reaches new boundaries. Sticking their nose against the wall tends to lose something when they hit the teen years after all. Then again, the threat of it in a public place is just enough humility to straighten up a nasty attitude ;).
This brings us to the dreaded topic of corporal punishment, and the whole reason I started this post. Lately in the news certain professional football players have been making headlines and not for their abilities on the field. The one player has been accused of using a switch to punish his 4-year old and drawing blood. I think we can all agree that is going way too far. Another one has now admitted to using "harsh" punishment on his 1-year old. Again this is a bit much. But what about other forms of physical discipline? Do they have a place in your parenting style? There seems to be a lot of heated debate over this with a very firm line drawn in the sand. Personally, with younger children and as a last resort, I see no issue with a few quick pops on the behind. Always with an open hand only. It should never be done with any implement and it should never be done out of anger. There should always be a warning to the child so that they know if the behavior is done again this is what is coming and there is a set number of spankings coming. They should never be full force, but just enough to get their attention. I rarely had to use these with my girls, and they were effective.
As for the argument that it only teaches kids to hit, I can promise you kids learn to hit anyway. My girls were never excessively violent with each other or anyone else. And now they know that you should use words to solve conflicts with your peers and adults. They understand spankings happen from parent to child only. Kids are amazingly intelligent that way. I respect those parents that choose not to spank for their personal reasons, just as I respect their different parenting styles. I think as long as the child is not being abused, and yes there is a big difference. We all need to respect each other as parents and realize we are all trying to do the what we think is best for our children.
Not every kid/parent combo is going to make every parenting style work for them. Sometimes time outs work well, and sometimes you have a slippery little bugger who's just not going to sit still in that chair for five minutes. You've got to figure out what works for you, and it doesn't have to be set in stone. In fact I think it works best if both the parent and the child are willing to adapt and try new things, especially as the child grows and reaches new boundaries. Sticking their nose against the wall tends to lose something when they hit the teen years after all. Then again, the threat of it in a public place is just enough humility to straighten up a nasty attitude ;).
This brings us to the dreaded topic of corporal punishment, and the whole reason I started this post. Lately in the news certain professional football players have been making headlines and not for their abilities on the field. The one player has been accused of using a switch to punish his 4-year old and drawing blood. I think we can all agree that is going way too far. Another one has now admitted to using "harsh" punishment on his 1-year old. Again this is a bit much. But what about other forms of physical discipline? Do they have a place in your parenting style? There seems to be a lot of heated debate over this with a very firm line drawn in the sand. Personally, with younger children and as a last resort, I see no issue with a few quick pops on the behind. Always with an open hand only. It should never be done with any implement and it should never be done out of anger. There should always be a warning to the child so that they know if the behavior is done again this is what is coming and there is a set number of spankings coming. They should never be full force, but just enough to get their attention. I rarely had to use these with my girls, and they were effective.
As for the argument that it only teaches kids to hit, I can promise you kids learn to hit anyway. My girls were never excessively violent with each other or anyone else. And now they know that you should use words to solve conflicts with your peers and adults. They understand spankings happen from parent to child only. Kids are amazingly intelligent that way. I respect those parents that choose not to spank for their personal reasons, just as I respect their different parenting styles. I think as long as the child is not being abused, and yes there is a big difference. We all need to respect each other as parents and realize we are all trying to do the what we think is best for our children.
Monday, August 25, 2014
Ignorance is not Bliss
I will admit that I am sort of a reality TV junky. I love almost all of the talent shows, yes I watched the Rising Star finale last night and was pissed off that the West Coast didn't get to vote, and sometimes I even get into the human interest type shows. I am not a fan of the dating shows like Bachelor or Bachelorette. One of the shows I have liked for years has been 19 Kids and Counting, or however many kids they had at the time. I have liked this family since they had just a single show special about having a large family.
Those of you who know me know that I am as far from like this family as you can probably get. I am a practicing Witch, very granola, have lived an alternative lifestyle, have questionable tastes in just about everything, and most of all am a huge supporter of the LGBTQ community. Yet I still love this family. I love them because even though we don't share the same beliefs, and they would probably damn me to their hell, they have a very strong conviction in their beliefs and they don't waiver from them. I love them because they teach their children good and honest values. I love them because even though they have this mammoth family they aren't living off the government, in fact they pay taxes for other kids to use the public schools while home schooling their own kids. And up until now I have actually defended them to others.
But now we have a problem. You see Michelle Duggar made a crucial mistake in my book. She opened her mouth without doing her research, and in doing so she not only labeled an entire community but she also insulted them. Her town of Fayetteville, AK was voting on an ordinance that would prevent discrimination of transgender people in their town. It would allow them to file complaints if they felt they had been discriminated against during housing transactions, employment decisions, and other public accommodations. This would include using the public restroom and changing facilities that the person identifies with and not necessarily the gender they are born with.
This is where Michelle decided she had issues. According to a pre-recorded message that was dialed out to residents of Fayetteville Michelle said in part "males with past child predator convictions that claim they are female to have a legal right to enter private areas that are reserved for women and girls." Oh Michelle, really? Is this really what you think of the trans community? If so you really need to educate yourself before you open your mouth on the subject again.
The truth is trans people are just like any other people in that there are all types, and the majority of them just want the chance to live their lives as the gender they feel they should have been born with. What about all the little boys that should have been little girls? Or vice versa? What about all the women who should have been men? Do you think this is easy for them? Because I can guarantee this sure isn't a choice. Nobody chooses to take this hard road. Trans people are some of the strongest and bravest people I know. They have the courage to live life as their true selves. How many of the rest of us can say the same thing?
Are there creep child predators out there? Sure there are. Do they go around masquerading as women to get to your kids? Probably not. There are much easier and more effective ways to get to your kids than acting like a woman. It's not the transgendered people you have to watch out for. It's the quiet next door neighbors you'd never suspect, or the coaches who spend just a little extra time with your child. You want to protect your kids then talk to them about the signs of being groomed for abuse. Talk to them about how to get away and how to talk to someone if something does happen. Talk to the little ones about who can touch and when and why and where. But for goodness sake don't instill a fear of somebody just because they are different than you.
Those of you who know me know that I am as far from like this family as you can probably get. I am a practicing Witch, very granola, have lived an alternative lifestyle, have questionable tastes in just about everything, and most of all am a huge supporter of the LGBTQ community. Yet I still love this family. I love them because even though we don't share the same beliefs, and they would probably damn me to their hell, they have a very strong conviction in their beliefs and they don't waiver from them. I love them because they teach their children good and honest values. I love them because even though they have this mammoth family they aren't living off the government, in fact they pay taxes for other kids to use the public schools while home schooling their own kids. And up until now I have actually defended them to others.
But now we have a problem. You see Michelle Duggar made a crucial mistake in my book. She opened her mouth without doing her research, and in doing so she not only labeled an entire community but she also insulted them. Her town of Fayetteville, AK was voting on an ordinance that would prevent discrimination of transgender people in their town. It would allow them to file complaints if they felt they had been discriminated against during housing transactions, employment decisions, and other public accommodations. This would include using the public restroom and changing facilities that the person identifies with and not necessarily the gender they are born with.
This is where Michelle decided she had issues. According to a pre-recorded message that was dialed out to residents of Fayetteville Michelle said in part "males with past child predator convictions that claim they are female to have a legal right to enter private areas that are reserved for women and girls." Oh Michelle, really? Is this really what you think of the trans community? If so you really need to educate yourself before you open your mouth on the subject again.
The truth is trans people are just like any other people in that there are all types, and the majority of them just want the chance to live their lives as the gender they feel they should have been born with. What about all the little boys that should have been little girls? Or vice versa? What about all the women who should have been men? Do you think this is easy for them? Because I can guarantee this sure isn't a choice. Nobody chooses to take this hard road. Trans people are some of the strongest and bravest people I know. They have the courage to live life as their true selves. How many of the rest of us can say the same thing?
Are there creep child predators out there? Sure there are. Do they go around masquerading as women to get to your kids? Probably not. There are much easier and more effective ways to get to your kids than acting like a woman. It's not the transgendered people you have to watch out for. It's the quiet next door neighbors you'd never suspect, or the coaches who spend just a little extra time with your child. You want to protect your kids then talk to them about the signs of being groomed for abuse. Talk to them about how to get away and how to talk to someone if something does happen. Talk to the little ones about who can touch and when and why and where. But for goodness sake don't instill a fear of somebody just because they are different than you.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
All for Laughs
This article was on my Facebook feed today, and I was outraged. The family thought it was funny to duct tape, yes I said duct tape, a baby's pacifier into her mouth. They said the baby was never in danger and the tape was removed right after the picture.
First off, why? Why do you feel the need to do something so stupid and then document it for all your friends and family to see? Are "normal" baby pictures not good enough anymore and you now feel the need to up the ante? What is this child going to think of you when she is 25?
Secondly, did you really think this through? You used duct tape which is an industrial strength product with a super strong adhesive. Men use this stuff to fix EVERYTHING! Even if you didn't press it down onto the baby's skin it obviously made contact. Now, I am an adult with sensitive skin and even the adhesive in bandages and first aid tape hurt to pull off and can cause contact dermatitis which can cause red bumps and painful blisters. I can't imagine pulling duct tape off the thin sensitive skin of a baby had to feel very good.
Let's also talk about safety. Sure the nose wasn't 100% blocked, but it doesn't look like it's exactly 100% clear either. And we all know babies are little booger factories. If her little nose was the least bit congested that could have made for some difficult breathing. Also, babies are notorious for upchucking at the most inopportune times. What would have happened if this little darling all of a sudden decided to reject her last meal and it had no where to go? It could have easily gotten into her lungs causing serious illness or even death.
So while we all want adorable photos of our kids. Maybe sometimes it's best to just keep the camera ready and let the kids produce the cute all on their own. I fear our societal turn towards documenting and sharing every bit of our children's lives and having so many of the really cute ones going "viral" has led us to feel like we need to manufacture cute. Let the kids be kids and leave the duct tape in the tool box.
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