Oh yes, it's the most wonderful time of the year. The time where we all come together to wish each other well and good cheer. A time to spend with family and friends, and to count our blessings. A time to share good food and good times with all. So why all the stress? Why all the arguing and bickering over who's holiday trumps who's? Why all the animosity? Where is it all coming from?
This is the time of year where I see so many posts online, and hear so many people talking about how everyone is taking the "Christ" out of Christmas. And how everyone is getting too sensitive and they are going to say "Merry Christmas" to everyone whether they like it or not and they will be really offended if the person doesn't say "Merry Christmas" right back. I see and hear all of "Jesus is the reason for the season" plastered everywhere. And it seems to me like the majority of the strife is coming from some, not all, Christians who feel "their" holiday is being taken over. So let's take a closer look at this, shall we?
What is Christmas all about anyway? Well, the Christian celebration is the birth of Jesus in a manger, with three wise men, and some animals. So basically the birth of Jesus. This is celebrated on the 25th of December. So this man, called Jesus, was presumably born on the 25th of December, right? Actually, no. Scholars and historians have calculated Jesus's birthdate to be some time in June. Feel free to search for yourself or check out this link here for more information. So why would the Christians start a false holiday?
Well, you see there were these pesky heathens running around worshipping all these other gods and goddesses, and the Christians very much wanted to convert them to Christianity. In order to make the transition smoother the church created Christian celebrations that mirrored the Pagan ones. One of them being Christmas. Christmas was used to replace Yule also known as the Winter Solstice. This is a time of year when the night is the longest and the Pagans are celebrating the birth of the Sun God who will return to the earth and brighten the days. Hmmm, birth of the Sun God, birth of Jesus. Trees, being male phallic symbols were decorated with edible treats for the birds and wildlife to help them through the last of Winter until the Sun God was strong enough to help the earth grow again.
And to this day there are still people who celebrate the Winter Solstice and the birth of the Sun God. Now, that doesn't make Christmas any less of a holiday. After all it's been around long enough now to earn itself a place at the December holiday table right up there with Hanukkah and Kawanzaa.
There is another pesky little thing I would like to address, the dreaded "X". SO , so often through the holidays I get lectured on how I shouldn't use Xmas as an abbreviation for Christmas as it is disrespectful to Christ. Guess what, it's not. Please read up here for the full explanation. For the short version, "X" has replaced Christ's name in Christianity for centuries because it is from the Greek alphabet. It has nothing to do with disrespect.
One last thing, if someone wishes you a "Merry Christmas", "Happy Holidays", "Seasons Greetings", "Happy Hanukkah", "Happy Kawanzaa", "Merry Yule", or a "Merry Happy ChristmaKawanzHanuYule!", just remember they are all doing it with the same intention, to wish you and yours a well and a Happy New Year!
Next lesson, how to stop commercializing whatever you celebrate!
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Matter of Perspective
Now that marijuana has been legalized in Oregon, and even more recently can be sold in a retail setting, it has become a hot topic of conversation everywhere. On one hand I think that's great. We should be talking about it. We should talk about its risks, its benefits, appropriate times to use it, legal age, and all the other important boundaries we would talk about with any other controlled substance like tobacco or alcohol.
The problem I am having is the media sensationalizing any and every negative experience that has happened here that may or may not involve marijuana. For one thing, it gives the impression hat it only happened because marijuana was legalized, and for another it gives the impression that whatever the outcome was marijuana was the one and only cause. Neither of these is always true.
For example there is this recent tragic event. Notice how the headline boldly claims the driver allegedly was smoking pot. Notice how they slipped in there that the accident comes just 5 days after retail sales of recreational marijuana is legal. And also notice that all the way at the bottom they finally say that the driver was smoking "seconds" before the crash.
Don't get me wrong, I do not in any way shape or form condone any type of driving while under the influence. However, for the sake of playing devil's advocate, let's say that this moron took his very first hit just seconds before the crash. He would not have been high at that point, it takes a little time to get to that point. Could he have been distracted? Probably, but high? Most likely not.
Also, the fact that retail sales just started has absolutely nothing to do with this story. If the media and authorities think that just because it is legal it is all of a sudden easier to get your hands on marijuana then they are really delusional. This area has to be one of the easiest to buy marijuana, even before it was legal. I can think of about 5 people off of the top of my head I could go to and say hey, I want to get high, and they would gladly oblige. This same tragic accident could have easily taken place last year, the year before, or even 4 years ago for that matter. Making it legal doesn't make people smarter. It just makes it so those who choose not to break the law can enjoy what is known to be a relatively safe drug when used in moderation like everything else.
So the next time you see a news article that makes you angry about a hot topic issue stop and ask yourself, is this just a matter of perspective?
The problem I am having is the media sensationalizing any and every negative experience that has happened here that may or may not involve marijuana. For one thing, it gives the impression hat it only happened because marijuana was legalized, and for another it gives the impression that whatever the outcome was marijuana was the one and only cause. Neither of these is always true.
For example there is this recent tragic event. Notice how the headline boldly claims the driver allegedly was smoking pot. Notice how they slipped in there that the accident comes just 5 days after retail sales of recreational marijuana is legal. And also notice that all the way at the bottom they finally say that the driver was smoking "seconds" before the crash.
Don't get me wrong, I do not in any way shape or form condone any type of driving while under the influence. However, for the sake of playing devil's advocate, let's say that this moron took his very first hit just seconds before the crash. He would not have been high at that point, it takes a little time to get to that point. Could he have been distracted? Probably, but high? Most likely not.
Also, the fact that retail sales just started has absolutely nothing to do with this story. If the media and authorities think that just because it is legal it is all of a sudden easier to get your hands on marijuana then they are really delusional. This area has to be one of the easiest to buy marijuana, even before it was legal. I can think of about 5 people off of the top of my head I could go to and say hey, I want to get high, and they would gladly oblige. This same tragic accident could have easily taken place last year, the year before, or even 4 years ago for that matter. Making it legal doesn't make people smarter. It just makes it so those who choose not to break the law can enjoy what is known to be a relatively safe drug when used in moderation like everything else.
So the next time you see a news article that makes you angry about a hot topic issue stop and ask yourself, is this just a matter of perspective?
Monday, August 31, 2015
A Little Compassion
It's all well and good that organizations provide their employees with bereavement leave, and I understand not all do so this is a luxury and not necessarily a right. But when they do provide it there are so many policies surrounding it that it is almost a hassle to use it, not what you need in a time of loss. Those who don't have it, should, it provides piece of mind to their employees...as long as you pay attention to what I have to say here.
Most places only cover what they call "immediate family", but everyone has a different definition of "immediate family". For some it is just spouse, parents, and children. For others they extend it out to brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, even cousins. For some it only covers your family, for others it covers your spouse's family as well. Some cover step, some don't.
But here is what none of them take into account...Your relationship with the deceased. Nobody cares that the person who died had a huge impact on you growing up, or that was the one person who inspired and helped you go to college, or that was the one person in your family you truly connected to. Who cares if that one person was a second cousin, a great great aunt, a great grandmother, or some other "distant" relative.
It is assumed that people live in the 1950's nuclear family environment still. Mom, dad, and kids live together in their little pod, and the rest of the families all live in their little pods and everyone gets together for Christmas, Easter, and maybe a Summer Reunion. Guess what? That's not the reality anymore, and hasn't been for a while. Reality is more and more families are living together in multi-generational homes. More and more people are seeing the benefits of spending time with their elders and gaining the knowledge of the past from them.
And then you also have the other aspect, not every family has a nice, pretty, perfect family tree. My family tree would look like a gnarly old oak tree if you were to map it out with two of my great aunts being born just before my mom and being closer in age to her than her own younger sisters, so naturally she was closer to them and so was I. My family tree also comes with trap doors, tree houses and zip lines, because you just never know what nut is going to shake loose whenever you start asking questions about family history. The point is though there are some whose leaves are within poking distance that I have probably only spent hours with in my entire life, whereas there are others that I would have to scamper across the entire tree to get to that I spent so much time learning from and loving their company yet when the one I barely know passes I can get bereavement leave without a second glance, and the one who was the bigger influence on my life I have to find a way to get time off some other way.
Yes, I know there would probably be a couple who would abuse the system if it was opened up wider. And honestly for those who family means so much, like me, it would make times of loss less stressful and more productive at work. Instead of offering the 24 hours of leave being offered for "Immediate Family" perhaps they could offer just 8 hours for Extended Family, just so someone can attend the services. It just seems so cold for this giant organism to decide who is most important to me based on dilution of blood. If you are going to go by that then they are equally as unimportant because nobody has the same bloody parents!
Most places only cover what they call "immediate family", but everyone has a different definition of "immediate family". For some it is just spouse, parents, and children. For others they extend it out to brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, even cousins. For some it only covers your family, for others it covers your spouse's family as well. Some cover step, some don't.
But here is what none of them take into account...Your relationship with the deceased. Nobody cares that the person who died had a huge impact on you growing up, or that was the one person who inspired and helped you go to college, or that was the one person in your family you truly connected to. Who cares if that one person was a second cousin, a great great aunt, a great grandmother, or some other "distant" relative.
It is assumed that people live in the 1950's nuclear family environment still. Mom, dad, and kids live together in their little pod, and the rest of the families all live in their little pods and everyone gets together for Christmas, Easter, and maybe a Summer Reunion. Guess what? That's not the reality anymore, and hasn't been for a while. Reality is more and more families are living together in multi-generational homes. More and more people are seeing the benefits of spending time with their elders and gaining the knowledge of the past from them.
And then you also have the other aspect, not every family has a nice, pretty, perfect family tree. My family tree would look like a gnarly old oak tree if you were to map it out with two of my great aunts being born just before my mom and being closer in age to her than her own younger sisters, so naturally she was closer to them and so was I. My family tree also comes with trap doors, tree houses and zip lines, because you just never know what nut is going to shake loose whenever you start asking questions about family history. The point is though there are some whose leaves are within poking distance that I have probably only spent hours with in my entire life, whereas there are others that I would have to scamper across the entire tree to get to that I spent so much time learning from and loving their company yet when the one I barely know passes I can get bereavement leave without a second glance, and the one who was the bigger influence on my life I have to find a way to get time off some other way.
Yes, I know there would probably be a couple who would abuse the system if it was opened up wider. And honestly for those who family means so much, like me, it would make times of loss less stressful and more productive at work. Instead of offering the 24 hours of leave being offered for "Immediate Family" perhaps they could offer just 8 hours for Extended Family, just so someone can attend the services. It just seems so cold for this giant organism to decide who is most important to me based on dilution of blood. If you are going to go by that then they are equally as unimportant because nobody has the same bloody parents!
Thursday, April 2, 2015
If a tree falls in a forest...
Does it make a sound if there's nobody around to hear it? That's always been an interesting question to me. The answer to me has always been obvious, of course it does. The same holds true for bullying and discrimination. Just because the person it is directed at isn't around to hear it doesn't mean it doesn't matter or that it doesn't hurt. There is always the possibility of the ripple effect, and words and attitude have a tendency to leak out into actions.
The reason I bring this up is I deal with a lot of people in my workplace, both internally and externally. Externally the people I work with come from very diverse backgrounds. This includes many people from the LGBTQ community. The people I work with internally tend to be pretty conservative. As you can imagine this makes for an interesting mix. Now I understand that there are some people out there who still have very narrow-minded opinions on the LGBTQ community. Some may eventually change their minds and some may not. However, in a professional environment where the organization has made it clear that diversity is a priority it doesn't matter. Everyone is to be treated with respect.
The issue comes in when it is learned one of our external customers is part of the LGBTQ community and my coworkers make inappropriate comments. Now the comments are never made to the person in questions, but that doesn't matter. Some examples of comments made are:
In reference to a person who is transgender and has transitioned from male to female: "what am I supposed to call them? he, she, it?"
In reference to a person who was in a heterosexual marriage and had children then divorced and entered a same sex marriage: "Wow! I bet those family gatherings are awkward" or "I feel sorry for those kids!"
I don't believe these comments are made maliciously, but rather out of ignorance. The problem becomes whether they realize it or not it then can affect their interaction with them. They may be more awkward on the phone, or more reluctant to provide the same level of customer service they provide to other people. Again, it's not intentional, it's a subconscious thing based on the comments made.
And yes, this has been brought to the attention of management and human resources and additional sensitivity training is being designed as I type this up. But I wanted to call this out in case you are seeing this in your own work environment and ask you to take the stand as well and bring it to the attention of your management and human resources. Just because the discrimination and insults aren't said to the face of the person they are against doesn't mean it doesn't cause harm.
The reason I bring this up is I deal with a lot of people in my workplace, both internally and externally. Externally the people I work with come from very diverse backgrounds. This includes many people from the LGBTQ community. The people I work with internally tend to be pretty conservative. As you can imagine this makes for an interesting mix. Now I understand that there are some people out there who still have very narrow-minded opinions on the LGBTQ community. Some may eventually change their minds and some may not. However, in a professional environment where the organization has made it clear that diversity is a priority it doesn't matter. Everyone is to be treated with respect.
The issue comes in when it is learned one of our external customers is part of the LGBTQ community and my coworkers make inappropriate comments. Now the comments are never made to the person in questions, but that doesn't matter. Some examples of comments made are:
In reference to a person who is transgender and has transitioned from male to female: "what am I supposed to call them? he, she, it?"
In reference to a person who was in a heterosexual marriage and had children then divorced and entered a same sex marriage: "Wow! I bet those family gatherings are awkward" or "I feel sorry for those kids!"
I don't believe these comments are made maliciously, but rather out of ignorance. The problem becomes whether they realize it or not it then can affect their interaction with them. They may be more awkward on the phone, or more reluctant to provide the same level of customer service they provide to other people. Again, it's not intentional, it's a subconscious thing based on the comments made.
And yes, this has been brought to the attention of management and human resources and additional sensitivity training is being designed as I type this up. But I wanted to call this out in case you are seeing this in your own work environment and ask you to take the stand as well and bring it to the attention of your management and human resources. Just because the discrimination and insults aren't said to the face of the person they are against doesn't mean it doesn't cause harm.
Friday, February 13, 2015
Stop Blaming the Innocent
As many of my friends and family know I was bullied relentlessly in school. For those who are new to me and this blog I won't go into the gory details, but let's just say it was brutal and daily. To the point where suicide was a very real option for me, one I tried and luckily didn't succeed. But because of my experience I have become very loud about anti-bullying, especially in our schools. I never want another child to go through the hell that I experienced day after day and year after year.
To be treated as less than human and then be told by teachers and administrators to grow a thicker skin or ignore them was never acceptable, and it still isn't. That puts the work on the victim to make their situation better when in reality they never did anything to make it bad to begin with. My favorite was always "You must have done something to make them dislike you", oh yeah that was a good one. Because no, I didn't. I was the new kid all the time, and we didn't have a lot of money for new clothes so I wore a lot of thrift store finds. Guess what? Instant target. The other good one was "If you don't react they will stop." Oh yeah, like you can just ignore having glue put in your hair or ignore being shoved to the ground every day, or ignore having rubber bands flung at you, or even better ignore a group of older kids beating you black and blue with their books...Yep I will just walk away and pretend that never happened.
See all of this is blaming the victim, and that has got to stop. Our society loves to do this, and not just with bullies. Rape victims get blamed all the time. If she hadn't of dressed so provocatively, if she hadn't have drank so much or taken that drug. If she hadn't have gone with that guy. What the hell does that have to do with anything? If there is no consent, or if there is no mental capacity to give consent then it is rape and the perpetrator is the one at fault.
Even certain murders society will look at and blame the victim based on that person's past. Were they a sex worker, oh well then they led a risky lifestyle so it was bound to happen. NO! That does no excuse on person taking another person's life. A person's life is not more valuable based on what choices they make in life. Just because they are a gang member doesn't mean they aren't somebody's son, or brother, or even father. We may not agree with their choices, but it doesn't mean a life wasn't lost.
Stop blaming the victims people. Start placing the blame where it belongs, on the people committing the acts that make these people victims. Nobody deserves to be bullied, nobody deserves to be raped, and nobody deserves to be murdered. Let's get our priorities right here and stop blaming the innocent.
To be treated as less than human and then be told by teachers and administrators to grow a thicker skin or ignore them was never acceptable, and it still isn't. That puts the work on the victim to make their situation better when in reality they never did anything to make it bad to begin with. My favorite was always "You must have done something to make them dislike you", oh yeah that was a good one. Because no, I didn't. I was the new kid all the time, and we didn't have a lot of money for new clothes so I wore a lot of thrift store finds. Guess what? Instant target. The other good one was "If you don't react they will stop." Oh yeah, like you can just ignore having glue put in your hair or ignore being shoved to the ground every day, or ignore having rubber bands flung at you, or even better ignore a group of older kids beating you black and blue with their books...Yep I will just walk away and pretend that never happened.
See all of this is blaming the victim, and that has got to stop. Our society loves to do this, and not just with bullies. Rape victims get blamed all the time. If she hadn't of dressed so provocatively, if she hadn't have drank so much or taken that drug. If she hadn't have gone with that guy. What the hell does that have to do with anything? If there is no consent, or if there is no mental capacity to give consent then it is rape and the perpetrator is the one at fault.
Even certain murders society will look at and blame the victim based on that person's past. Were they a sex worker, oh well then they led a risky lifestyle so it was bound to happen. NO! That does no excuse on person taking another person's life. A person's life is not more valuable based on what choices they make in life. Just because they are a gang member doesn't mean they aren't somebody's son, or brother, or even father. We may not agree with their choices, but it doesn't mean a life wasn't lost.
Stop blaming the victims people. Start placing the blame where it belongs, on the people committing the acts that make these people victims. Nobody deserves to be bullied, nobody deserves to be raped, and nobody deserves to be murdered. Let's get our priorities right here and stop blaming the innocent.
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Mind Your Beeswax
Yeah, I get it, I call in sick a lot and I leave work early
unexpectedly a lot. But you know
what? That’s between me, my manager, and
my doctors. That’s right I said doctors
with an “s” on the end. You see that
happy face I put on all the time is a carefully crafted mask. It’s a mask designed to hide the physical and
mental pain I endure every day. Every
once in a while it slips because I just can’t hold it anymore. Those are the days you label me a bitch.
You think you know my struggle through observation and then
you deign to tell me what I should do based on your keen powers of
observation. The reality is you only
know the little bit I let the outside world see. You don't see my pain, you don't see my anguish, and you don't see my tears because I don't let you. I don't let you because it really is none of your business, and honestly I have too much pride to let you know that I am that far beaten. Not beaten by you, but beaten by my own body and mind. Beaten by the pain that rips through my joints and muscles and beaten by the angry and horrible thoughts that race through my mind day after day, hour after hour, minute by minute. Thoughts that have been with me for years and now feel like an old companion that I will never be free of. But that's none of your business either.
Yet you have decided it is your business. You think it's okay to speak up and tell me what I can and can't do. How I should live my life, when I should give up and roll over and play dead. You think you know me better than I know myself. You think you can tell me when I have had enough. Well guess what, you don't know shit. Yeah, you see the mask slipping so you think you are seeing me at my worst. You think that's my breaking point. The point where I am going to call it quits and go home. You ain't seen nothin' yet toots. For all I have been through and all I carry every day I am a hell of a lot stronger than you will ever know. You would be amazed what I can push through.
Those times when I do go home, or even call in sick, those are the times when I just can't lift that mask up anymore. Where the weight of it has gotten so heavy and the pain of carrying it around so great that I just can't muster up a smile to face the day. Maybe the physical pain is so great that I can barely crawl to the bathroom and back, or maybe the mental anguish has gotten so bad that I am at the point of hysterical anxiety. Either way, that's none of your business either.
So the next time you think you know what's best for me. Or you think you have my life figured out based on your observations. Just don't. The best thing you can do for yourself and me is to close your mouth before you open it and mind your own beeswax.
Monday, February 9, 2015
Can't we all just get along?
I believe that when you have a specific issue you should seek the support of others going through a similar experience. The camaraderie and feeling of not being alone can really help when you feel isolated and helpless. Since I have what I consider to be more than my fair share of issues, or what my fiancé and I fondly refer to as subscriptions, I have reached out to various online support groups for, well, support.
Some of these groups are quite large, tens of thousands of peoples, and when you get that many people together from various backgrounds you are bound to have differing opinions from time to time. Now one would like to think that since we are all together for a common cause that we could set these differences aside and support one another regardless of race, gender, sexual preference, religion, etc. And one would be oh so wrong.
The biggest hot button? Religion. In fact in some groups the discussion of religion is banned all together and anytime it is brought up the posts get deleted immediately. In other groups they ask you to be respectful, and unfortunately that doesn't always work out so well. Such was the case last night.
In one of the groups I belong to a person posted offering to pray for anyone who needed it. A very sweet and generous offer. It was quite simple, if you wanted prayers you posted and if you didn't you just moved along. Then, someone else decided that this post offended them and replied with a message saying they were offended because it was a decidedly Christian post and they were not Christian. The original poster then was upset because they didn't intend to offend anyone and so as not to upset anyone else deleted their own post.
And oh dear gods did this cause a tizzy. Now half the group is jumping all over the admins because they assumed the admins removed the post because the one person was offended. Then it turned to an us against them discussion about Christian vs. Non-Christian. Everyone was weighing in, including me.
I tried to remain neutral by saying that I am Wiccan, and that if someone offers to pray for me I simply say thank you. Because to me a prayer is simply another way to send good energy and karma into the universe for someone. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because then this Southern Baptist from Georgia started ranting and raving about how we were all going to hell in a hand basket and they couldn't be around us godless creatures so they were leaving the group. Aye aye aye!
Then the group's owner, who lives in the UK, was asking me what a Southern Baptist was and what the South and Georgia had to do with anything. I was trying to explain it and I got screamed at for bashing all Southerners, which I was not doing if they had read all my words and not skipped over the important ones like the qualifiers of "some" and "most" and "many" and "a few". But you know hey they look exactly like "all" and "every" so I can see the confusion.
The point was though, and I think more Non-Christians were trying to get this across than anything, it shouldn't matter. We are all there to support each other, and we should just respect each other's beliefs or non-beliefs. If you don't like a post because of its religious undertones then just move on to the next one. There are always plenty more to read. I think it is so sad that our society is still so stuck on who has to be right about which religion is the correct one. What if we are all right?
My mom has this really amazing way of explaining religion, and I would like to leave you all with this. Religion is like a giant wheel, and each type is just a spoke on the wheel. They are all a different path, but they all lead to the same place in the universe. The center. It doesn't matter how you worship, or what you call your divine. We are all heading to the same destination in the end. So really, what is there to fight over?
Some of these groups are quite large, tens of thousands of peoples, and when you get that many people together from various backgrounds you are bound to have differing opinions from time to time. Now one would like to think that since we are all together for a common cause that we could set these differences aside and support one another regardless of race, gender, sexual preference, religion, etc. And one would be oh so wrong.
The biggest hot button? Religion. In fact in some groups the discussion of religion is banned all together and anytime it is brought up the posts get deleted immediately. In other groups they ask you to be respectful, and unfortunately that doesn't always work out so well. Such was the case last night.
In one of the groups I belong to a person posted offering to pray for anyone who needed it. A very sweet and generous offer. It was quite simple, if you wanted prayers you posted and if you didn't you just moved along. Then, someone else decided that this post offended them and replied with a message saying they were offended because it was a decidedly Christian post and they were not Christian. The original poster then was upset because they didn't intend to offend anyone and so as not to upset anyone else deleted their own post.
And oh dear gods did this cause a tizzy. Now half the group is jumping all over the admins because they assumed the admins removed the post because the one person was offended. Then it turned to an us against them discussion about Christian vs. Non-Christian. Everyone was weighing in, including me.
I tried to remain neutral by saying that I am Wiccan, and that if someone offers to pray for me I simply say thank you. Because to me a prayer is simply another way to send good energy and karma into the universe for someone. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because then this Southern Baptist from Georgia started ranting and raving about how we were all going to hell in a hand basket and they couldn't be around us godless creatures so they were leaving the group. Aye aye aye!
Then the group's owner, who lives in the UK, was asking me what a Southern Baptist was and what the South and Georgia had to do with anything. I was trying to explain it and I got screamed at for bashing all Southerners, which I was not doing if they had read all my words and not skipped over the important ones like the qualifiers of "some" and "most" and "many" and "a few". But you know hey they look exactly like "all" and "every" so I can see the confusion.
The point was though, and I think more Non-Christians were trying to get this across than anything, it shouldn't matter. We are all there to support each other, and we should just respect each other's beliefs or non-beliefs. If you don't like a post because of its religious undertones then just move on to the next one. There are always plenty more to read. I think it is so sad that our society is still so stuck on who has to be right about which religion is the correct one. What if we are all right?
My mom has this really amazing way of explaining religion, and I would like to leave you all with this. Religion is like a giant wheel, and each type is just a spoke on the wheel. They are all a different path, but they all lead to the same place in the universe. The center. It doesn't matter how you worship, or what you call your divine. We are all heading to the same destination in the end. So really, what is there to fight over?
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Oh No You Didn't!
So this morning my wonderful and loving fiancé posted the image below to me on Facebook and invited me to get out my soapbox. After reading the article on the image the challenge was accepted.
The picture is an advice column from a Christian website where a father is asking for advice about his son who came to him saying he was transgendered and felt that he was born in the wrong body and was actually gendered as female. The father states that his child says they still believe in God in keeping with the family's obvious faith. The father is asking for guidance in how to talk with his child.
The advice given by the columnist is not only ludicrous, it is downright dangerous. She says the father should tell his child that the child is flat out wrong for feeling this way therefore totally invalidating the child's feelings. She says that the father should tell the child that the child's thoughts and feelings are even "disgusting". This is bad enough, but then she makes the leap from transgendered to homosexual. I am not sure how that leap was made since not all transgendered people are actually homosexual.
She blames the kid's desires one homosexuality in the media and exposure to it at school, which I would have thought was pretty funny if she weren't serious. I really think the icing on the cake though was when she compared being transgendered to doing drugs. Again, not sure on how that logical leap happens, but in her warped head it did.
So other than being sickly amusing to those of us who know better; this is also highly dangerous. This right her has the potential of being the beginning of another transgendered teens suicide. Here you have a vulnerable teenager, we all remember our teen years they suck to begin with, struggling to come to terms with feelings that are obviously conflicting with how they was raised. This teen then goes to their father looking for help and instead of support they are about to get, if the father follows this advice, invalidated at best and humiliated at worst.
This is the type of action from parents and the religious communities that leads to depression and suicide in our LGBTQ teens. It needs to stop. We need to find a way to reach out to these young people and offer them the support they need when their parents and religious communities fail them. In some communities, like here in Portland Oregon, where there are stronger LGBTQ communities there are some resources available. But usually you have to seek them out. In smaller communities, and especially in the Bible Belt, resources can be scarce.
We have been making some powerful strides in equality for the members of our community. Marriage equality has had great gains in the last few years. The transgendered community is seeing equality in the ability to use their preferred gender facilities in public places as well as reassignment medical expenses now being covered by Medicare. These are all great advances, and I know there have been more I have missed.
We still have a ways to go, and we need to start focusing on our youth. That's a hard one too. You have legal issues there because you don't want to get in the way of the legal parents or guardians, but on the other hand we want what's best for these kids who are struggling to find their place in this crazy and ever changing world. I don't have the answer, but I'm putting it out in the universe that we need one and maybe somebody somewhere reading this will be more brilliant than me and come up with it. I just know that the answer given by Amber on ChristWire.org is definitely not it.
Friday, November 7, 2014
It's Your Right and Responsibility
I know election day has come and gone, so this post is a bit too late for this go around, but I prefer to look at it as getting a head start for the next election. I am very discouraged by my friends and even some family as of late. I am finding fewer and fewer of them are interested in politics at all, and nobody seems to know anything about the issues at hand let alone want to vote on them. I just don't understand how so many people can have such a blasé attitude towards what is going on in their city, state, country, heck even the world. This is important people, the decisions made now are going to affect not only you, but also your children, and their children, and so on.
I guess I don't understand it because when I was growing up it was instilled in me that this was important. During the election season we watched the debates. Discussions were had at the dinner table about what the issues were and what the candidate's platforms were based on. And even though my parents are divorced this was one thing they could both agree on, politics were important, knowing what was going on in the world was important, and above all else exercising your right to vote was important. I can remember being a kid and going with my parents to vote. I can remember both of my parents taking the time to explain the process and how it works and why it is so important that every person who can vote does so that they speak up and their voice is heard.
It makes me sad that so many of my peers aren't having their voices heard. I know you have them, and I know you have great opinions. I see you voicing them on Facebook. I hear you talking about them in Starbucks. But when the vote tallies come in they just don't support the number of people in our age range that can vote. We aren't showing up at the polls, we aren't mailing back in our ballots, heck in most cases we aren't even bothering to register. It's easy to register; in most states you can do it at your DMV, post office, county election office, or even online. It's free too.
Some people say they don't want to register because it means they will get pulled into the jury duty pool. Well I got news for you, at least in Oregon, the rules have changed and now the pool is anyone that has a diver's license or state ID. They aren't even using the voter registration pool anymore so chances are you are already in the pool. And even if does put you in the jury duty pool in your state, so what. Jury duty is one of those necessary evils in life much like taxes. Most of the time when you get summoned for duty you get released anyway. It's not that great of an excuse.
I've also heard the excuse of, "I don't know who anybody is or who to vote for so I don't want to vote for anyone." That's just sheer laziness. In this age of instant information at our fingertips there is no reason why you can't do the research. You need to make it your responsibility and your business to know who the candidates are, what they stand for, and what kind of history they have. And it's not just about the people here either.
During elections we are also voting on new laws, laws that for better or worse will impact your life. These could be laws that increase or decrease taxes. Laws that protect a certain class of citizen, or laws that take away certain rights if we aren't careful. Don't think for a moment that the people who want these laws to pass aren't campaigning hard to have people vote the way they want them to. But what if you don't agree with the law, what if you don't like it? Well did you vote? Did you stand up and say I don't think this is right? If not then you are part of the problem and not the solution.
Now, I'm not telling anyone that they have to vote a certain way, and I never will. I may give you the pros and cons I see if you ask, and sometimes even if you don't just because I feel passionate about the topic. But I am begging, pleading, strongly suggesting, and ok downright harassing you to please, please, please vote. It's one of the simplest yet most powerful things you can do. It's your right, and it's your responsibility.
I guess I don't understand it because when I was growing up it was instilled in me that this was important. During the election season we watched the debates. Discussions were had at the dinner table about what the issues were and what the candidate's platforms were based on. And even though my parents are divorced this was one thing they could both agree on, politics were important, knowing what was going on in the world was important, and above all else exercising your right to vote was important. I can remember being a kid and going with my parents to vote. I can remember both of my parents taking the time to explain the process and how it works and why it is so important that every person who can vote does so that they speak up and their voice is heard.
It makes me sad that so many of my peers aren't having their voices heard. I know you have them, and I know you have great opinions. I see you voicing them on Facebook. I hear you talking about them in Starbucks. But when the vote tallies come in they just don't support the number of people in our age range that can vote. We aren't showing up at the polls, we aren't mailing back in our ballots, heck in most cases we aren't even bothering to register. It's easy to register; in most states you can do it at your DMV, post office, county election office, or even online. It's free too.
Some people say they don't want to register because it means they will get pulled into the jury duty pool. Well I got news for you, at least in Oregon, the rules have changed and now the pool is anyone that has a diver's license or state ID. They aren't even using the voter registration pool anymore so chances are you are already in the pool. And even if does put you in the jury duty pool in your state, so what. Jury duty is one of those necessary evils in life much like taxes. Most of the time when you get summoned for duty you get released anyway. It's not that great of an excuse.
I've also heard the excuse of, "I don't know who anybody is or who to vote for so I don't want to vote for anyone." That's just sheer laziness. In this age of instant information at our fingertips there is no reason why you can't do the research. You need to make it your responsibility and your business to know who the candidates are, what they stand for, and what kind of history they have. And it's not just about the people here either.
During elections we are also voting on new laws, laws that for better or worse will impact your life. These could be laws that increase or decrease taxes. Laws that protect a certain class of citizen, or laws that take away certain rights if we aren't careful. Don't think for a moment that the people who want these laws to pass aren't campaigning hard to have people vote the way they want them to. But what if you don't agree with the law, what if you don't like it? Well did you vote? Did you stand up and say I don't think this is right? If not then you are part of the problem and not the solution.
Now, I'm not telling anyone that they have to vote a certain way, and I never will. I may give you the pros and cons I see if you ask, and sometimes even if you don't just because I feel passionate about the topic. But I am begging, pleading, strongly suggesting, and ok downright harassing you to please, please, please vote. It's one of the simplest yet most powerful things you can do. It's your right, and it's your responsibility.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Roles Reversed
We all know rape is wrong. We all know that when an adult has sex with a minor it's wrong. But do we think of it the same way regardless of which gender is perpetrating the crime on which gender? I've begun to realize that in general, we don't. But we should. What got me started on this path was this story on ABC News.
It's a story about a former NFL cheerleader accused of having sex with a 15 year old boy. The article itself is decently written and gives the facts. That's not the part that bothered me, it was the comments. People posting about how the kid screwed up a good thing by telling, and how if they had been getting action from her they wouldn't have said anything. Even comments such as "poor...lucky kid". I was simply appalled by them all. When I tried to post something reasonable about it I was called a turd and a prude.
Here's the thing though, if the roles were reversed...if it was a 47 year old man, even if he was a good looking former GQ model, and it was a 15 year old girl...these same people would be calling for him to be hung up by his testicles. They would want him beat and castrated. They would want him beat maliciously, if they even wanted him living at all. There wouldn't even need to be a trial he would be found guilty in the court of public opinion just from an article being ran and his life would be over.
Women sexual predators historically are handed weaker sentences in the courts, they are given more excuses from their families and friends that are then accepted by the public. They were lonely, they were depressed and unhappy, they needed help and this was their cry for it. But male offenders often are given the maximum sentence, excuses are never acceptable and even if it truly was a misunderstanding they are labeled an offender for life with no chance to redeem themselves in the eyes of the public. They have forever lost our trust.
Now I'm not saying we should trust sex offenders, but I am saying we should treat them equally and look at the circumstances of all cases both of male and female perpetrators. There are some scary psychopathic women out there too that I wouldn't want my kids around. We need to start realizing that women are capable of horrific things too. And we need to hold them accountable.
The current sexual offender registration system is flawed, and needs to desperately be reexamined. It needs to come with some sort of grading or category system that is easy to understand so the general public will know exactly what type of offender they are looking at. Is this some dumb kid who at 18 slept with his 16 year old girlfriend and her parents pressed charges, or is this some sicko that molested dozens of kids and got out on good behavior?
The important thing to remember most of all is that not only can men and women be the bad guys here, but that both men and women, and boys and girls, can be the victims. And males may need even more support than females when they are the victims of a sexual crime than females because of the way our society does view sexual crimes and that we don't typically think of males as the victims. So before you post something stupid about a male victim, stop and think, what would you say if the roles were reversed.
It's a story about a former NFL cheerleader accused of having sex with a 15 year old boy. The article itself is decently written and gives the facts. That's not the part that bothered me, it was the comments. People posting about how the kid screwed up a good thing by telling, and how if they had been getting action from her they wouldn't have said anything. Even comments such as "poor...lucky kid". I was simply appalled by them all. When I tried to post something reasonable about it I was called a turd and a prude.
Here's the thing though, if the roles were reversed...if it was a 47 year old man, even if he was a good looking former GQ model, and it was a 15 year old girl...these same people would be calling for him to be hung up by his testicles. They would want him beat and castrated. They would want him beat maliciously, if they even wanted him living at all. There wouldn't even need to be a trial he would be found guilty in the court of public opinion just from an article being ran and his life would be over.
Women sexual predators historically are handed weaker sentences in the courts, they are given more excuses from their families and friends that are then accepted by the public. They were lonely, they were depressed and unhappy, they needed help and this was their cry for it. But male offenders often are given the maximum sentence, excuses are never acceptable and even if it truly was a misunderstanding they are labeled an offender for life with no chance to redeem themselves in the eyes of the public. They have forever lost our trust.
Now I'm not saying we should trust sex offenders, but I am saying we should treat them equally and look at the circumstances of all cases both of male and female perpetrators. There are some scary psychopathic women out there too that I wouldn't want my kids around. We need to start realizing that women are capable of horrific things too. And we need to hold them accountable.
The current sexual offender registration system is flawed, and needs to desperately be reexamined. It needs to come with some sort of grading or category system that is easy to understand so the general public will know exactly what type of offender they are looking at. Is this some dumb kid who at 18 slept with his 16 year old girlfriend and her parents pressed charges, or is this some sicko that molested dozens of kids and got out on good behavior?
The important thing to remember most of all is that not only can men and women be the bad guys here, but that both men and women, and boys and girls, can be the victims. And males may need even more support than females when they are the victims of a sexual crime than females because of the way our society does view sexual crimes and that we don't typically think of males as the victims. So before you post something stupid about a male victim, stop and think, what would you say if the roles were reversed.
Friday, October 24, 2014
Fear of What Should be Safety
Everyday my three beautiful girls go off to public schools. These institutions have always been a place where kids are supposed to be safe from the dangers of the world. I mean besides bullying, which I know from personal experience can get pretty darn ugly, in general schools are supposed to be safe havens from the general nastiness of the world. But more and more lately I have questioned that, and even begun to actively fear sending my girls to school. It really feels like every time I turn around there is another school shooting, or another one that is planned and the police happen to stop because someone tips them off. It's getting so out of control. I don't ever remember this many major acts of senseless violence in schools when I was growing up. In fact the Columbine school shooting happened after I graduated high school, and it seems like we have gone seriously downhill from there.
Today, another one. This one in Marysville, WA, not all that far from my area. Not much is known right now other than two people have had to be flown out by helicopter and the shooter is dead. Last year there was another one even closer to us in Gresham, OR where both the shooter and another young man lost their lives. Both of these and all the others are senseless tragedies that never needed to happen. In the end all we are left with is the question of why? We can all guess at the answers. Maybe the shooter left a note or clues, and maybe they didn't. Maybe there was a history of bullying or mental illness, and then again maybe not. But if we can't answer why then how can we prevent them?
I have been saying for a long time the answer lies in early detection and prevention of mental illness and bullying prevention. Now granted I just said above maybe we wouldn't have known, and I think the reason for that is the people that are interacting most with these kids are not trained to look for the subtle signs that things are not going so well for them. Everyone keeps jumping up and down screaming about gun control or arming the teachers or more police in the schools or more security measures like metal detectors. Then again, maybe not. These things aren't going to prevent an incident they are made to react to an incident.
Instead I think we need to create programs in our schools where teachers are trained to look for signs of mental illness, signs of behavior change. They need to look for the subtle signs of bullying and learn to address them appropriately. There needs to be a referral system so potentially at risk students can be screened further and put into a program with specialists to help them work through their issues. Parent involvement in these programs would be crucial and additional training and literature would need to be made available to them as well. Would this program be costly? Sure it's not going to come cheap, but can we really put a price on the health and well being of our children let alone their lives?
It's obvious more force is not working. Meeting fire with fire is not the answer. Let's try meeting fire with water and try putting the flame out before it turns into a raging inferno and we are left to deal with the aftermath. I for one am terrified of being the parent that gets the call that my child's school has had an active shooting. I am terrified of one of my girls getting hurt in an incident like this. I want my children, and all children to be safe at school and everywhere in society. I also want the children to get the help they need earlier in life because early intervention in mental illnesses means you are less likely to have someone with serious psychological issues down the road. You have a better chance of having a contributing member of society when they become an adult. Our prisons are full of people with mental illness. If we can get to them before it fully manifests and becomes an issue and help them get early treatment maybe we can even keep them out of prison and lower our crime rate. Now wouldn't that be something?
I'm not saying this is the key to solving all our societal problems. What I am saying is it's time to reform the way we look at mental illness and start using opportunities we have in interacting with young people as early intervention. Will we catch them all? Probably not. Will it solve everything? No. Will there still be acts of violence? I'm sure. But if we can save even one life wouldn't it be worth it? What's the price of one child's life?
Today, another one. This one in Marysville, WA, not all that far from my area. Not much is known right now other than two people have had to be flown out by helicopter and the shooter is dead. Last year there was another one even closer to us in Gresham, OR where both the shooter and another young man lost their lives. Both of these and all the others are senseless tragedies that never needed to happen. In the end all we are left with is the question of why? We can all guess at the answers. Maybe the shooter left a note or clues, and maybe they didn't. Maybe there was a history of bullying or mental illness, and then again maybe not. But if we can't answer why then how can we prevent them?
I have been saying for a long time the answer lies in early detection and prevention of mental illness and bullying prevention. Now granted I just said above maybe we wouldn't have known, and I think the reason for that is the people that are interacting most with these kids are not trained to look for the subtle signs that things are not going so well for them. Everyone keeps jumping up and down screaming about gun control or arming the teachers or more police in the schools or more security measures like metal detectors. Then again, maybe not. These things aren't going to prevent an incident they are made to react to an incident.
Instead I think we need to create programs in our schools where teachers are trained to look for signs of mental illness, signs of behavior change. They need to look for the subtle signs of bullying and learn to address them appropriately. There needs to be a referral system so potentially at risk students can be screened further and put into a program with specialists to help them work through their issues. Parent involvement in these programs would be crucial and additional training and literature would need to be made available to them as well. Would this program be costly? Sure it's not going to come cheap, but can we really put a price on the health and well being of our children let alone their lives?
It's obvious more force is not working. Meeting fire with fire is not the answer. Let's try meeting fire with water and try putting the flame out before it turns into a raging inferno and we are left to deal with the aftermath. I for one am terrified of being the parent that gets the call that my child's school has had an active shooting. I am terrified of one of my girls getting hurt in an incident like this. I want my children, and all children to be safe at school and everywhere in society. I also want the children to get the help they need earlier in life because early intervention in mental illnesses means you are less likely to have someone with serious psychological issues down the road. You have a better chance of having a contributing member of society when they become an adult. Our prisons are full of people with mental illness. If we can get to them before it fully manifests and becomes an issue and help them get early treatment maybe we can even keep them out of prison and lower our crime rate. Now wouldn't that be something?
I'm not saying this is the key to solving all our societal problems. What I am saying is it's time to reform the way we look at mental illness and start using opportunities we have in interacting with young people as early intervention. Will we catch them all? Probably not. Will it solve everything? No. Will there still be acts of violence? I'm sure. But if we can save even one life wouldn't it be worth it? What's the price of one child's life?
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Walk My Walk
You think you know me. You see me day in and day out. You think you have my number and have me all figured out. You think that you can push my buttons and I won't say a word because you think I'm a push over, you think I'm weak. But you don't know me. You know nothing. You haven't walked my walk. You don't know how strong I really am. All you see are the times I've broken down, but you don't know the strength it takes to carry what I carry every day. So come walk my walk. I bet you can't hack it, I bet we find out who the weakling really is.
You see I already know about your perfect life and your perfect childhood because you can't stop telling everyone about it. How you were raised by loving parents and had such a fun childhood full of wonder and adventure. Where nothing ever went wrong, at least nothing really major. How you grew up with your siblings and had normal sibling rivalries. How perfectly wonderful and normal for you. I also love how you are such a drama queen and complain about every little tiny thing that goes wrong in your life, oh how I would love to have your problems.
So now let's walk my walk for a bit. You see I grew up with divorced parent, which I know isn't all that uncommon. I also had the lovely experience of being physically beat relentlessly by one of my mother's first boyfriend's after the divorce. After that my childhood was a blur of moving from school to school while my mom tried her best to put food on the table. There was also years of emotional abuse and trauma that I can't even begin to describe to you. Plus sexual abuse when I was a child. These abuses carried into my adult years.
Besides a beyond miserable home life because I was always the "new kid", and an emotional wreck, I was tormented at school. I would use the word bullied here, but that doesn't even begin to describe what I went through. At one point I was beaten black and blue by a group of kids using their textbooks, I was in the 4th grade. I was physically and verbally tormented on a daily basis from 2nd grade through my Sophomore year of high school. That kind of abuse leaves a lasting mark. By the time I was a Freshman I had enough. I wanted out and for good. I attempted suicide, and at the time I wished I had succeeded. I spent the night in Critical Care and then about 2 weeks in a psych ward. I turned to self injury after that to ease my pain. I would burn myself on purpose to make myself feel something. I was so numb from all of it.
We are now into adulthood, and where I stand now. Even with medication and intensive therapy every day is a struggle to get out of bed. Every day is a battle on making myself feel worthwhile to those around me. Every day I question my own sanity. And yet, every day I pick myself up and I try. I try my best to make it through another day. Even with the weight of all that I have been through riding on my shoulders. Even when all that pain comes crushing down around me and all I can do is curl in a bawl and cry so hard the sobs make me shake uncontrollably. Even when all I want to do is hide from the world for the rest of my life because I am so scared of getting hurt ever again, I try. I get out of bed most days and I try. Are there some days when I just can't? Yes, and on those days I feel miserable and I loathe myself for existing. I can't function, and I can't breathe. All I want to do is hide.
And this isn't even dealing with all the things that can trigger me into a panic attack. The smell of certain men's colognes, a certain phrase or tone of voice, even certain movies or songs. These types of things can all send me into a total panic and make me relive the abuse all over again. Sometimes I don't even realize something is a trigger until it happens. Go ahead, live in fear of not knowing when something is going to make you relive your worst nightmares.
Speaking of nightmares. Do you think I get many good night's sleep with this history? How often do you think my subconscious decides to replay these events in my head? Do you know how many times I've had the same dream of standing outside the house we lived in when my mom was dating the guy who beat me and listening to myself scream but I couldn't get inside to rescue myself? Do you know what it's like to wake up in a cold sweat with your throat hoarse from screaming at the top of your lungs? I do.
So, the next time you want to play your stupid little games to make ME feel weak. Just don't. Because I am not the weak one here. I am strong. I have been through the hottest fires and the toughest shit. I have been through more in this lifetime than many will go through in several. So just stuff it. I am tired of your crap, and I am tired of being the butt of your jokes. Your time is coming because I am standing up for myself starting now.
You see I already know about your perfect life and your perfect childhood because you can't stop telling everyone about it. How you were raised by loving parents and had such a fun childhood full of wonder and adventure. Where nothing ever went wrong, at least nothing really major. How you grew up with your siblings and had normal sibling rivalries. How perfectly wonderful and normal for you. I also love how you are such a drama queen and complain about every little tiny thing that goes wrong in your life, oh how I would love to have your problems.
So now let's walk my walk for a bit. You see I grew up with divorced parent, which I know isn't all that uncommon. I also had the lovely experience of being physically beat relentlessly by one of my mother's first boyfriend's after the divorce. After that my childhood was a blur of moving from school to school while my mom tried her best to put food on the table. There was also years of emotional abuse and trauma that I can't even begin to describe to you. Plus sexual abuse when I was a child. These abuses carried into my adult years.
Besides a beyond miserable home life because I was always the "new kid", and an emotional wreck, I was tormented at school. I would use the word bullied here, but that doesn't even begin to describe what I went through. At one point I was beaten black and blue by a group of kids using their textbooks, I was in the 4th grade. I was physically and verbally tormented on a daily basis from 2nd grade through my Sophomore year of high school. That kind of abuse leaves a lasting mark. By the time I was a Freshman I had enough. I wanted out and for good. I attempted suicide, and at the time I wished I had succeeded. I spent the night in Critical Care and then about 2 weeks in a psych ward. I turned to self injury after that to ease my pain. I would burn myself on purpose to make myself feel something. I was so numb from all of it.
We are now into adulthood, and where I stand now. Even with medication and intensive therapy every day is a struggle to get out of bed. Every day is a battle on making myself feel worthwhile to those around me. Every day I question my own sanity. And yet, every day I pick myself up and I try. I try my best to make it through another day. Even with the weight of all that I have been through riding on my shoulders. Even when all that pain comes crushing down around me and all I can do is curl in a bawl and cry so hard the sobs make me shake uncontrollably. Even when all I want to do is hide from the world for the rest of my life because I am so scared of getting hurt ever again, I try. I get out of bed most days and I try. Are there some days when I just can't? Yes, and on those days I feel miserable and I loathe myself for existing. I can't function, and I can't breathe. All I want to do is hide.
And this isn't even dealing with all the things that can trigger me into a panic attack. The smell of certain men's colognes, a certain phrase or tone of voice, even certain movies or songs. These types of things can all send me into a total panic and make me relive the abuse all over again. Sometimes I don't even realize something is a trigger until it happens. Go ahead, live in fear of not knowing when something is going to make you relive your worst nightmares.
Speaking of nightmares. Do you think I get many good night's sleep with this history? How often do you think my subconscious decides to replay these events in my head? Do you know how many times I've had the same dream of standing outside the house we lived in when my mom was dating the guy who beat me and listening to myself scream but I couldn't get inside to rescue myself? Do you know what it's like to wake up in a cold sweat with your throat hoarse from screaming at the top of your lungs? I do.
So, the next time you want to play your stupid little games to make ME feel weak. Just don't. Because I am not the weak one here. I am strong. I have been through the hottest fires and the toughest shit. I have been through more in this lifetime than many will go through in several. So just stuff it. I am tired of your crap, and I am tired of being the butt of your jokes. Your time is coming because I am standing up for myself starting now.
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Do Not Pass GO...or 20 MPH
So school is now back in full swing across the country, and that means the 20 MPH school zones are back in effect too. I get it, I really do, you're running late for work it sucks to have to slow down to a crawl, especially if you don't even see any kids. But reality is, you have to do it, and nothing irks me more than those who don't think the rules apply to them. Let's break this down a little shall we?
Why do we even have 20 MPH zones in the first place? Well this one should be a no brainer, but since I have learned that some people are no brainers we will actually cover this topic. There are basically two reasons for this one has to do with you as the driver, and one has to do with the kids themselves. You as the driver have to pay attention to many things while navigating a car, or at least you should be and your phone should not be one of them, things like other cars, traffic signals and signs, normal adult pedestrian and bike traffic. Generally speaking the slower you are travelling the more time you will have to react to any one of these normal things let alone the next part of the equation here. The other thing we have to consider is the kids. Kids by nature are usually short, unless you get to the high school age which we will address in a minute, and they are fast and slippery. Think of them like those water snake toys you may have played with as a kid, you know these things. Even with parental/ adult supervision you never know if or when they are going to slip away to run off to be with that one friend they haven't seen all weekend! Seriously, these little buggers are slippery. Ok, so you're thinking that explains elementary students and maybe some middle school students, but what about the older ones. Well, to put it in simple terms, they're brain damaged. Any parent of a teenager or who has survived raising a teenager will tell you this. They are absolutely brain damaged, especially when left to their own devices and in groups. They think they are invincible and think nothing of putting their own lives and the lives of their friends in danger. For you as the driver this can translate to them darting into traffic to avoid having to walk the extra ten feet to the crosswalk, or pushing each other into the road because it's fun. Even worse are the teen driver's because now you have brain damaged teenagers who think they are invincible behind the wheel. Trust me, you want that extra time to react.
So, when we are in a 20 MPH zone and the zone is in effect I am going to go 20 MPH. If you are behind me do NOT feel the need to crawl into my trunk space to save on gas by hitching a ride. If you do this I will then feel the need to go 18-19 MPH just because. Also, if you are going over the 20 MPH and you then turn into the school parking lot I feel a special kind of loathing for you. This means you either work at the school or are a parent. You should know better and should be setting the example, shame on you. For those of you who think you are special and don't feel the speed limit applies to you and then you are busted and get a hefty ticket, I feel no mercy for you don't complain to me. If you are afraid slowing down for what usually amounts to about 1 mile is going to make you late for work then you need get your lazy butt up earlier or find a new route to work that doesn't involve a school zone.
The moral of the story is slow down for the kids. It really is worth it, how horrible would you feel if you knew you weren't adhering to the speed limit and that one tragedy took place because you couldn't react fast enough? Take the time to slow down.
Why do we even have 20 MPH zones in the first place? Well this one should be a no brainer, but since I have learned that some people are no brainers we will actually cover this topic. There are basically two reasons for this one has to do with you as the driver, and one has to do with the kids themselves. You as the driver have to pay attention to many things while navigating a car, or at least you should be and your phone should not be one of them, things like other cars, traffic signals and signs, normal adult pedestrian and bike traffic. Generally speaking the slower you are travelling the more time you will have to react to any one of these normal things let alone the next part of the equation here. The other thing we have to consider is the kids. Kids by nature are usually short, unless you get to the high school age which we will address in a minute, and they are fast and slippery. Think of them like those water snake toys you may have played with as a kid, you know these things. Even with parental/ adult supervision you never know if or when they are going to slip away to run off to be with that one friend they haven't seen all weekend! Seriously, these little buggers are slippery. Ok, so you're thinking that explains elementary students and maybe some middle school students, but what about the older ones. Well, to put it in simple terms, they're brain damaged. Any parent of a teenager or who has survived raising a teenager will tell you this. They are absolutely brain damaged, especially when left to their own devices and in groups. They think they are invincible and think nothing of putting their own lives and the lives of their friends in danger. For you as the driver this can translate to them darting into traffic to avoid having to walk the extra ten feet to the crosswalk, or pushing each other into the road because it's fun. Even worse are the teen driver's because now you have brain damaged teenagers who think they are invincible behind the wheel. Trust me, you want that extra time to react.
So, when we are in a 20 MPH zone and the zone is in effect I am going to go 20 MPH. If you are behind me do NOT feel the need to crawl into my trunk space to save on gas by hitching a ride. If you do this I will then feel the need to go 18-19 MPH just because. Also, if you are going over the 20 MPH and you then turn into the school parking lot I feel a special kind of loathing for you. This means you either work at the school or are a parent. You should know better and should be setting the example, shame on you. For those of you who think you are special and don't feel the speed limit applies to you and then you are busted and get a hefty ticket, I feel no mercy for you don't complain to me. If you are afraid slowing down for what usually amounts to about 1 mile is going to make you late for work then you need get your lazy butt up earlier or find a new route to work that doesn't involve a school zone.
The moral of the story is slow down for the kids. It really is worth it, how horrible would you feel if you knew you weren't adhering to the speed limit and that one tragedy took place because you couldn't react fast enough? Take the time to slow down.
Friday, September 5, 2014
Death Does Not Become Me
Death is my nemesis. I despise death, I loathe death. And yes, I fear death. I get it, it's part of the circle of life, we all have to die sometime, we can't live forever, it's part of the natural progression of things, blah blah blahtity fucking blah. I don't care. Death and I are not friends. We never really have been.
I remember my first real experience with death, I was 5. My mom and I flew from our home in Southern Illinois to San Diego, CA. It was exciting for me as a kid. My first airplane ride, the first real big trip, that I remember. But the reason sucked. My great-great grandmother had passed away and we were going to her funeral. I was going to see family that hadn't seen me since I was really little, so for me it was like meeting them for the first time, and for some they were meeting me for the first time. I kind of remember mom trying to explain death to me, and I kind of remember sort of understanding it, but not really. Then we went to the actual funeral. Everyone was dressed in really nice clothes, but they were almost all in black. And everyone looked so sad. I remember a lot of talking, and music, and crying. And then everyone got in a line to walk by this big fancy box at the front. Being so small I couldn't really see into it from where I was. I remember mom saying I didn't have to go up to see her if I didn't want to, but again me not totally understanding what was going on thought I was going to be meeting another relative. So I went up. That's when I saw her, laying there, dead. I started crying inconsolably. That's when I first comprehended what death really was. The body was still there, but the person was gone. It was a terrifying experience. I remember having dreams about great-great grandma's face for a long while after that.
It was only a couple of years later that I experienced my next loss, this time it was my beloved dog, Andy, quickly followed by our pet snake, Thora. Both animals had been in my life since birth, and both were a big blow to me. And while I never saw the bodies of my cherished friends the mention of their deaths brought back the image of great-great grandma lying lifeless in her casket. Since then through the years I have experienced losses of varying degrees, from a classmate who was struck by a car in the 5th grade to my aunt on my dad's side who died on cancer and then was closely followed by my granddad. My mom's brother also died, and that one was rough too. And to be honest I've never really recovered from one death before another one strikes. That rang true more than ever a few years ago.
In the course of a year my family lost 4 people that were very close to us, including my step dad, Ron, who I lovingly call Pops. Pops has been the hardest death of them all. Because I was there. I was there in the cold sterile hospital when he took his last breath and his heart stopped beating. Granted, he was surrounded by family and friends, but it was a horrible experience. The doctors said he was medicated enough that he was comfortable and felt no pain, but watching him struggle to breathe those last few breaths was so painful for me. I felt helpless to do anything but stand there and hold his hand and cry. And to this day all I can do is cry. I almost wish I hadn't been there because I hate that I remember him like that. I don't want those images in my head. I want to remember him smiling and laughing, but I can't. I can't make those images of him gasping for air go away. I can't make the images of us watching the monitors as his heart stopped beating go away. And I hate it, I hate death for taking him away like that. I hate people who say death is peaceful. It's not, I have seen it. There was nothing peaceful about it.
And I despise it when people tell me I am weak for not being able to grieve faster. I will grieve at my own damn pace thank you very much and you can just live with it or go away. There is nothing wrong with me, I am who I am. Just because I process death differently doesn't make me wrong or weak or broken. Everyone is different, and everyone grieves differently. How would you like it if I said that you grieve too fast so you must be a cold hearted bastard with no feelings at all? Sorry, slight off topic rant.
So, with all of that being said one would think I would stay as far away from death as I could right? You want to take a wild guess at what I do for a living? Just one little guess? I work in death fucking benefits! Yep that's right I work in death benefits for a pension program. I deal with families every day that have just lost a loved one. I talk to their spouses, their kids, their parents. I listen to them cry and yes, even scream. And then people wonder why I am always so close to a freaking mental breakdown. Yeah...
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